


To: My Unicorn

by FailingGrace8



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Dean Winchester - Freeform, Destiel - Freeform, Fluff and Smut, High School, M/M, Neglect, Sam Winchester - Freeform, Supernatural - Freeform, castiel - Freeform, teen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:27:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 19
Words: 28,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24052837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FailingGrace8/pseuds/FailingGrace8
Summary: Castiel yearns for a memorable summer with his best friend Meg Masters. However her big secrete might just pull them apart and ruin the love of a lifetime(Destiel Fanfic with lots of fluff, angst and some smut snuck in there as well enjoy!!)"And I hate that I let myself fall in love with you. I hate myself because it was selfish. I was selfish"
Relationships: Destiel, Megstiel, sam and Jessica
Comments: 20
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter One

Cas

Bitter winters are the best. Not because of the cold but because it means a hot, amazing summer. And a hot amazing summer meant fairs, splashing in the creeks, and more time with Meg. God, Cas could not wait for summer to come. 

Unfortunately summer was still a few months off and the weather was still sucky. So the kids came to school in thick coats and jeans. But the coats were so hot and heavy on Cas' body. He felt breathless in the coats, and not in the good, romantic way. 

Still, he clung to the thought of summer like it was life. Maybe it was, maybe it held his life. The summer. Sweet, forgiving, restful summer. A home for the free spirits, and a home for the romantics. 

Summer held dreams and love and so many adventures yet to be explored. Summer was the place where Cas lived; it was everything he lived for. Summer was where he could be himself and do what he wanted. It was where he could fall in love with who he wanted and it held his deepest secretes. 

It held his joys and dreams. There was no heartbreak in the summer, only love, only adventure. Cas could almost taste the adventure on the tip of his small tongue. 

And it tasted sweet like honey and smooth like milk. It felt like home and the rush of the thought of summer buzzed in his head like bees. Ah bees, cute little fuzzy bugs that frolic in the flowers. Bees. 

"Mr. Novack" he felt a sharp slap on his desk 

His profound blue eyes gleam up at his teacher, Ms. Rose. A cowl ruined her young bright face and Cas felt little pity for it. He wanted no time wasting away in class. He wanted to go home. He wanted summer. 

"Care to explain why your head is on your desk?"  
The entire class stared back at him. A blush flushed his paled cheeks. Luci snickered.  
"Tired ma'am"  
"Well get more sleep then" she growled, "alright class who can tell me..." 

Her voice grew dull and eventually was drowned out. Meg poked Cas' rib cage to get his attention. He swatted her hand away but turned to her. She slipped a small yellow sticky note to him. 

His fingers pick open the folded note and read it to himself.

Dean Winchester.

Cas' blue eyes glanced around the room until they spotted him. Two seats up and to the left of him. Middle row, one seat behind Luci who sits dead front. As usual Dean's head was down facing his notes. He was doodling something on his paper. He couldn't make out what it was but he presumed it was a name. His girlfriend's name. Cas still didn't know her name. No one did. 

He thought it was odd, the fact Dean didn't talk about her. Like never talks about her. At first Cas thought it was because he was new to the school and shy. But that was months ago, back when winter break ended. Not to mention Dean is quite the opposite of shy. He had plenty of friends and talked a lot in and out of class. Meg's theory is that he doesn't really have a girlfriend and that he's lying about it to seem cool. 

It could be true as Dean did say she went to a different school. But even if that were true and she was fake, what was Dean doodling? And why did he defend her so intensely and seriously when people made fun of her? He defended her like he defended his little brother Sam. 

And if he gets in a fight with someone over Sam, people know it wasn't over nothing. So what was it? Why didn't Dean talk about her? What was it about her that Dean didn't want people to know? 

Cas sighed and shrugged his shoulders. It wasn't for him to know or understand. Not really, plus Cas was more focused on surviving his junior year of high school. Luci and his demons still bullied him despite that the original incident occurred in 3rd grade. 3rd friggin grade! Get over it Luci! No one even remembers it! No one except Luci. 

The bell rang and Cas sighed in relief. The day was finally over! Meg and Cas packed their things and headed towards their lockers to gather their remaining books. 

Then Meg needed to use the restroom so he had to head to his locker by himself. The fear in the back of his head tugged at his attention but he pushed it down. Just get to your locker. Get to your locker. Get to your...

A bulky body slammed into him. The air was sucked from his lungs and he coughed up the air stuck in his throat. 

"What the hell Luci?!" Cas struggled to his feet

Luci then slammed him up against the lockers. He placed his arm over Castiel's chest and once again he struggled to breathe. 

"How was your daydream?" He snickered  
Cas said nothing.  
"betcha it was about me huh?"  
"Oh honey you wish" Meg smirks, 

Luci let go of Cas and turned to Meg, "ah yes it's your guard dog" 

He moved his hands as if to shoo her, "Cas call her off"  
"Leave him alone Luci" she sneered, "Don't make me ask twice" 

Luci was about to push her when one of the deans walked out into the hall. 

"This ain't over" he growled  
"When is it ever" she huffed 

He stomped away and Meg went to Cas. Her face was full of concern for him. Cas couldn't quite understand why. Sure they were besties but Luci had barely touched him. 

"Hey Clarence you ok?" She smiled sadly  
"Yeah I'm good Meg. Thanks" 

She nodded her dark brown head. Castiel tenderly rubbed his sweater covered chest and the two walked towards their neighborhood. He pressed his books against his heaving chest as if the books would warm him from the bitter cold. 

Meg offered her leather jacket but he declined. He was cold but not cold enough to take her warmth. Best friends don't take warmth from each other, even if it makes the other one suffer.


	2. Chapter Two

Meg/Cas

The weekend rolled around and it was warm enough out. A slight breeze billowed through the air but heavy jackets were not needed. Meg and Cas fancied along to Cas' house for the weekend as they typically did. 

Meg's dad was busy on weekends and wasn't home much. The man was a traveling salesmen and he sold all sorts of things for heavy prices. Meg wasn't too fond of it but it got food on the table so she couldn't complain. 

Plus they'd lost her brother Tom last year when he was shot in the forehead at his work. Damn fool picked a fight with the wrong guy and payed dearly for it. Their father took it hard but instead of caring for his only other kin, he immersed himself in work. Meg didn't mind though, she had Cas. She always had Cas. Only Cas. 

With him she felt flightless, whole. Her heart longed for nothing more than the angelic being known as Castiel. He made her feel full of life, happy. Her burned soul was cleansed by his touch and glare. He was her adventure, her summer lover. 

Everything that he embodied in his small yet muscled build was her summer dream. Her heart dreamed of nothing but his soft lips brushing against hers. But her head crushed her heart's dreams. 

He was never going to belong to her. Ever. The same reason he is being bullied by Luci is the same reason he can't be hers. Meg was a she. Shes don't get with boys like Cas. It hurt her to know this fact but there was nothing Meg could do about it. 

He isn't romantically attracted to her. Or anyone of her gender. That was ok though. She'll always love him even though Cas will never love her like that back. 

"Micheal! Gabriel pulled another prank on me!!" Samandriel ran past Meg into the kitchen   
Meg giggled and Cas smiled faintly. 

They trudged up the stairs to Cas' room. The cream colored door opened up to a light blue walled room. Soft, white, wooly carpet covered the floor. It was a relatively small room but nice. His bed sat pinned in the corner of the room next to a tiny window. 

A dark wooded dresser stood planted on the opposite side of the bed next to the door. A light blue clothes basket was seated on the floor next to another door that lead to the bathroom. 

Small yellow lights lined the ceiling and pictures of Cas and Meg decorated the headboard of his bed. In front of the bed pushed against the opposite wall next to the bathroom door stood a coffee table and a small television. 

Bags of chips and dip already sat there along with some throw pillows from the downstairs couch. Friday nights were the best movie nights. 

Cas shed his blue sweater and long sleeved white button down and replaced it with a black t-shirt reading "Marathoner". Meg watched his muscles flex and move beneath his pale, cold skin as he put on his shirt. Cas turned back around to face her and she quickly glanced away. Fortunately he didn't seem to notice. 

"are you going to change Meg?" Cas thoughtfully questioned   
"Yeah. Just let me get my clothes" 

She picked through her black vans backpack and grabbed her pajamas. A t-shirt with a red lady saying "the devil made me do it" and some black sweatpants to go along with it. 

After seizing the cloth, the dark brown haired teenager dashed to the restroom. Cas then proceeded to exchang his tan flat front pants for red plaid, soft pajama pants. 

Meg came out and sat on her pillow in front of the television, Cas followed her example. Meg wrapped her fingers around the black remote and clicked to Netflix.

Together they watched The Wire and Orange is the New Black. Cas especially liked Jimmy on The Wire. Meg agreed that he was cute but couldn't understand such the likeness about him. 

Jimmy was an alcoholic, self-destructive, and didn't listen to his superiors. He also wasn't really liked by his peers. It made Meg question if Cas was going to fall in love with someone like that. It frightened her a little bit. Then again it's just a television show, maybe he just thinks Jimmy is cute. Maybe.

Hours raced by when a knock came at the door. Castiel looked up from the television. His arms propped his head up and the pillow propped his arms up. Meg let go of the pillow in her arms and got up to unlock and open the door. 

As the door grew ajar the stern but friendly face of Micheal came into view. His curly, short blonde hair was restrained behind his head with a clip. His blue eyes seemed to smile when they landed upon his little brother. 

"Dad said it's time for bed" Micheal told them   
Cas sighed, "alright. Tell him I love him"   
"Alright" he began to close the door  
"I love you too Micheal"   
Cas could see a smile tugged to his brother's face, "I love you too Castiel" 

Meg sprung to the bed and Cas laid on the floor. Her heavy brown eyes stared down at Castiel. He stared back up at the ceiling, his arms resting behind his head. 

Tranquil silence filled the atmosphere of the tiny room. Meg folded her back over the side of the bed, her head slightly, hanging off the side. A giggle escaped her and Castiel smiled softly back. 

"Clarence?" Meg whispered   
"Hmm?"   
She put her hands in the air and fidgeted with them, "do you think we'll fall in love this summer?" 

"What do you mean?" He scrunched his brows and squinted up at her  
Her heart fluttered, "Do you think we'll find people this summer? You know romantic interests or at least some summer flings?" 

He closed his eyes as if to imagine it, "I can feel it Meg. This summer will be different. I just know it"   
"How so?" 

His blue eyes reappeared, "I don't know yet. But my heart knows it, it remembers. It holds a nostalgia for something I don't have yet, a longing I can't quite put my finger on. But it's here and it's begging to be heard. And damn it Meg I'm trying to listen"


	3. Chapter Three

Cas

Sweat beaded Ms. Rose's face. She wore a light, white blouse and a pencil skirt. Her brown eyes beady and fierce. Last day of school and she can't loosen up just a little bit? The woman just could not enjoy things. Although with Luci in class, who wouldn't be strict, cold and mean? 

"Sit down, be quiet and get ready for your finals"   
"Love you too Ms. R" Dean muttered as he slumped into his seat   
Her eyes shot through his skull as the rest of the class snickered. 

Cas sat in the back and watched as the green eyed, freckled, male model known as Dean Winchester quickly studied his English notebook. Barley anyone was in the classroom yet so Cas stood up and sat next to Dean. His eyes glanced over the paper and they picked up the name. 

"So her name is Alex?" Cas turned to Dean 

He noticed Dean flinch at the name. The boy then faced Cas and his face hardened. 

"Don't ever say that name here” Dean growled   
Cas couldn't help but feel a little guilty, "Sorry"   
"It's ok. Just..don't tell anyone please" his face softened   
"But why? Why don't you want anyone to know her name?" 

Dean opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out. Almost like the words were trapped in his throat and he couldn't choke them out. Dean's eyes fell back to his paper. Castiel took the hint and left to his seat. Thankfully Meg had also already sat down. Her face was filled with shock and that girlish squeal face. 

"Oh my gosh Cas" she playfully hit his arm, "you actually sat next to Dean and talked with him. What's gotten into you?"   
Cas rolls his eyes and laughs, "shut up Meg"   
"So what did you two discuss?" 

He opened his mouth to tell her when he felt Dean's eyes. His glare felt desperate and frighted, and his heart wrenched with guilt and compassion. 

"Uh nothing much, just finals and summer" he lied   
Meg shrugged, "cool" 

The bell rang and class started. Students sat in their seats picking through their bags hoping for a pencil. Ms. Rose stood at the front and motioned the rest of the class to do the same. They pledged to the flag before morning announcements then finally Ms. Rose passed out their English Final. 

'Last final before summer starts' Cas thought as the papers landed harshly on his desk

~~

The bell rang and students nearly leapt from their seats to leave school. Meg and Cas packed their things and began their walk to Cas' house. But before they could leave the hallway Meg had to run to the bathroom per usual so Cas waited outside and picked at his navy blue painted fingers. He looked up when he felt a tap on his right shoulder. 

Beside him glared back beautiful green eyes and a heart stopping smirk. Dean Winchester. Anxiety prickled up and down Castiel's spine and neck. Dean didn't seem mad though, in fact he seemed excited and happy. Cas wanted to smile but was too afraid to. Dean leaned against the wall beside Cas, his teeth grinding on a toothpick. 

"I never thanked you for not talking about...Alex" he said her name like it meant something different 

Cas smiled softly, "You know? I don't get you Winchester, why you won't talk about her, but I'll respect your wishes. We all have secretes we wished to be kept" 

His mind raced back to third grade. 'How could I be so stupid?'

Dean looked at him thoughtfully and smirked, "well anyways, thank you. I hope to see you this summer" 

He winked and before Cas could even say anything, the teen sauntered away. Then of course, as if on some cue; Meg entered the hallway and he helped her retrieve her bag. Cas didn't know what to think about Dean at this point. 

He was cute and mysterious without even trying to be. Dean seriously intrigued him, so much to the point it was driving him mad! He was just so mysterious it was seductive. 

Not that Cas could admit it quite then, but he had developed a small crush on Dean. Green eyes, tan skin, freckles, what's not to like? Dean had a great body too. 

Athletic, graceful build even though he's only a junior. Cas wondered how Alex felt when he'd hug her. What did his body feel like on hers? Cas blushed just thinking about it. 

Meg eventually took notice to her bestie's quiet aura and decided that it was unjust. He didn't complain of course, he didn't want to be thinking of Dean. Developing a crush on a straight guy with a girlfriend is literally begging to end in heartbreak. 

"...and so I was wondering if it was ok if I could spend the night for a couple nights of the week?" Meg shyly rambled   
"What?" Cas zoned back in   
Meg giggled, "You didn't hear a word I said did you?"   
Cas scratched his head and purposefully raised his voice a few octaves, "yes?" 

He smiled as she hit him on the arm. 

"You know you're always welcome at the house" Cas said seriously, "I love you so much Meg. You're basically my sister at this point" 

'Yes' Meg thought sadly, 'basically your sister' 

Despite her bleeding heart Meg smiled at Cas and their inside jokes continued. Instead of going home Cas and Meg followed their trail to the creek. It was tradition, every year on the last day of school they'd go to the creek and dump water on their schoolwork before dumping water on themselves. 

Almost like a baptism. A washing away of school and reborn into freedom. Into summer. It started freshman year when Meg threw her backpack in the creek and hollered that school was over. Ever since, they would wade into the water and pour water over everything. 

It was the thing Meg enjoyed most about summer. Of course besides the fact she could hang out with Cas all day without much interruption.

"Ugh finally" Meg grunted as the backpack fell against the creek's bank, "I'm hot, sweaty and tired. I need a good swim" 

Cas chuckled at that before kicking his shoes and socks off. Meg did the same. Cas stripped of his black t-shirt so it wouldn't get wet. Then he rolled up his flat front pants to his knee before grabbing his backpack and sprints to the water. 

Meg laughed and folded her shorts up and tied her shirt up, just under her chest. Then, giggling like a child, Meg leapt to the water her backpack in hand. 

The two dunked their backpack under before setting them on the bank and pouring water over their own heads. Meg then splashed her best friend before hiding behind a rock when Cas went to splash her. 

They spent hours there, playing in the creek and watching bugs. When darkness fell upon the creek they sat on the river bank and watched the stars. Meg had taken off her shirt because it was too cold so Cas gave her his shirt. They sat there, Meg's head resting on Cas' chest. 

The bundled together with a blanket they'd brought along and gazed up at the clear summer stars. She listened to Cas' heartbeat and wanted to sleep right there. 

But eventually Cas got up and they walked to his house. They set their soaking backpacks on the doorstep before walking into the house. Meg folded the blanket around her shaking body and Cas let her take a shower first. 

Falling in love with him was so damn easy. But, being in love with him is hard. Because nothing, nothing she ever does will make Castiel hers. He's that apple on that branch she can't reach. The water beneath her feet that recedes so she can't drink. 

She was starving and quenching, slowly dying. And it was all her fault. It's not Cas' fault she fell in love with him. It's not his fault he can't ever love her romantically. Hers. Because her heart chose someone she can't ever have. She is Tantalus, starving and dying of thirst but no hope of relief to come. 

"I'm done!" She taps his shoulder as she re-enters his room

Cas smiled thankfully and nearly tripped as he ran to the bathroom. Meg laughed before sitting on his bed and watched an old episode of The Wire. Cas took about an hour before getting out. He wore dark blue sweatpants and a white button down shirt that he left unbuttoned. 

His hair was still wet but not dripping with water. He ran his fingers through his hair as if to brush it and sat down on the floor at the backboard of his bed. Meg lays on her stomach on the bed and plays with Castiel's hair for a while. 

"Meg?" Her name rolls off his tongue softly  
"Yes My Unicorn?" She smiled   
"Do.." Cas paused, "do you think it's stupid to like someone you know you can never have?" 

Meg stopped playing with Cas' hair. She stared down at him. 

"Why do you ask?" her voice tight   
"Nothing, nothing it's stupid" he shook his head   
Meg growled, "you are not stupid Cas. Don't ever talk like that" 

His face drops, "are you mad at me?"  
She sighs, "no Cas of course not. I just don't want you to think that of yourself. You're so smart. So so smart"

Cas could tell she meant it. Meg began playing with his hair again.

"And to answer your question. Yes, yes it's stupid to fall in love with someone you can't have" she said bitterly, "but not because you're stupid, or that your love for that person is stupid. Its stupid because you'll suffer endlessly at your own hands. Don't fall in love with someone you can't have. Don't do that to yourself Clarence. Please don't"


	4. Chapter Four

Meg

It was mid afternoon and the two teens sat on the bank of the creek on top of a picnic blanket. A plate of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches sat between them. The two wore bathing suits and Meg's hair was still wet from earlier that morning. The sun was beating down on them relentlessly. Cas already had a bit of a sunburn on his back, nothing too painful however. 

Meg was laughing at Cas who'd tripped as he got up to dip his feet in the water. Then she too, got up after him when she realized he was trying to climb on the rocks to cross the creek. Leaves from the surrounding trees fluttered down into their path. 

Meg pulled her shorts up to her waist and checked to make sure her bathing suit top was still tied tight. Then she carefully stepped on the first rock across the river. 

It was planted firm in the creek, sturdy. She stretched out her leg to the second stone trapped in the mud of the creek. Then to the third, fourth and fifth. As she got to the sixth stone however, she nearly slipped into the creek. 

Had Cas not grabbed her wrist when he did she would have hit her head on the other rocks surrounding her. Cas had her wrists firm in his own hands. He pulled her up onto the other side. 

"Now look who's the klutz" Cas smirked   
Meg slapped him on his bicep, "shut up Novack"   
"You shut up Masters" Cas laughed 

Meg still shook from her near death experience but Cas' sweet smile made it better. Plus he still held her hand and soothed her with his thumb, which rubbed against the top of her hand. 

They held hands often so it wasn't anything weird or awkward but Meg couldn't help but to blush every time they did hold hands. Meg began to swing their arms back and forth gently as they walked down the wilderness. 

It was damp and a few mosquitos were out and tried biting at their exposed skin. Fortunately Castiel brought bug repellant so barley any bugs got close enough to even bite them. 

They kept walking when Meg let go of his hand and went over to a soggy log that was holding onto dear life to the bank of the creek. It was trapped between two rocks stuck in the mud of the water and the stream was strong enough to push it out. Something about the log drew her to it. 

"What are you doing?" Cas questioned as she kneeled on the ground   
"I think..." she tried to get closer to the log to grab it, "there's something in the.."  
She let out a small grunt as she reached out farther to grab it, "log" 

Her fingers just barely grab the log and she manages to wiggle it closer to her. After five minutes of tugging and carefully wiggling it, Meg dislodged the log. She ended up landing on her white jean shorts as the log was freed. Nevertheless, she grasped the log close to her chest. 

Meg set the log down and peered inside to see what treasure it held. Two stony arrowheads protruded from the inside of the log. They were about of equal size but one of them was a tad chipped. Cas stood beside her and she looked up at him to show him what she'd found. 

"Arrowheads? What are they doing all the way out here?" Cas questioned 

Meg shrugged. She didn't care how they got here, she was just excited they were here for her to find. She pocketed them and decided to make them into necklaces later. 

Cas was never really fond of jewelry especially not those sappy best friend necklaces. It wasn't that he didn't want people to know they were friends or didn't want to show that they were close, he just wasn't a jewelry person. 

He just thought jewelry was tacky. Although he'd mentioned he would wear a wedding ring, that is, if he ever gets married. Still, these arrowheads were small and it wasn't like they were made of gold or silver. They inspired adventure in her, and she hoped Cas would feel the same. 

Anyways Cas was growing weary from walking and splashing all the day in the creek so they grabbed their things and went home. Instead of spending the night at Castiel's house, she headed home to her dad's apartment. Meg knew he'd want her home at some point during the summer. 

"Bye Cas!" She waved excitedly, "I love you"   
"Love you too Meg!" He blew her a kiss

She blew back a kiss before sprinting home. It was about time to leave anyways, the sun was setting and darkness would soon envelop them completely. Meg was brave, just not brave enough to be out in the forest late at night with no flashlight.

Cas also got jumpy around nighttime. Which was reasonable since he'd almost gotten kidnapped on his way home from the creek last summer. Cas liked to joke about how stupid he was that night but Meg still shook to her bones just thinking about it. 

Anyhow, Meg creaked open the door of her father's apartment. Almost immediately the smell of alcohol and cigarettes swarmed her. She felt a bit dizzy so she grabbed onto the couch in front of the door. 

It was a tiny apartment, just one bathroom, two small bedrooms, the living area (really just the first room people see when opening the apartment door) and a small kitchen. So smell traveled everywhere and could be severely strong, especially when her father drank.

Meg squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. After re-gaining her senses she went to her bedroom. The floorboards were a light brown wood, her walls light grey. Her bed was a cheap daybed with simple grey covers. It crouched in the corner of her room on the opposite side of her bedroom door. 

Next to her bed stood a small wooded desk. On it held pictures of her and Cas, pencils and other art supplies. Clothes littered her floor but nothing too messy. 

Meg sighed and set out the arrowheads. She decided to take a shower and change before working on her new craft. The dark brown haired girl left her room and went down the hall before getting to the bathroom. 

She paused before going in and decided to peek inside her father's room which sat quietly beside the restroom. She peered in to see her father face down on the bed. A bottle of rum in his right hand which was slumped on the floor. 

A small fear shouted at her to make sure he was ok; but fortunately before busting in she watched his back heave up and down. She sighed in relief before flicking on the bathroom light and shutting the door. 

Her brown eyes met themselves in the mirror. Her hair was still damp from the creek and a few twigs had gotten stuck in it. She huffed before tugging them out. Her hair was so bland and annoying. Meg wanted to do something with it, but she couldn't decide what.

She stared at herself in the mirror and thoughts of Castiel flash across her mind. Tears begin to well in her eyes so she quickly glances away to avoid crying. 

It seems all she did these days were cry. Cry because she's stressed, cry because of her father. Cry because her heart mourns, cry because she's broken. She always felt broken. 

Ever since Tom's death nothing felt quite the same. She loved her brother and wished he were home. Wished that she could walk through the door and see him watching football with dad. Or wake up in the middle of the night to find him rummaging through the refrigerator. 

Or walk past the convenience store where he worked and wave to him. But Tom was dead, Cas isn't hers, and dad ignores her and drinks all the time. She was alone and broken and slowly dying. 

Meg felt a warm liquid on her cheeks. Ignoring it she hopped in the shower for about an hour. And as the warm water slid down her skin she couldn't determine what was shower water, and what were tears.


	5. Chapter Five

Cas

On the fifth week of every summer their town held an annual fair. Every year Meg and Cas attended. It was this Saturday and Cas was absolutely ecstatic! Just two days away and the two could fill themselves with cotton candy, funnel cake and the best apple pie in the world! Cas always loved to watch the pie eating contest as it was very amusing. 

When he was little it was the first thing Micheal and his dad Chuck would take him to see. Maybe that's why he enjoyed it so much. Since Micheal was busy with his own life the two barley hung out anymore. Cas really missed his big brother. 

He'd go with his dad but Chuck was also busy away at work. But Meg always made things better. She stood up for him and made him feel less lonely. Though when Meg wasn't there, he always had Gabriel. 

Gabriel and Castiel were close. Not as close as he and Meg were, or he and Micheal; but they were close. Gabriel was only one year older than him so they got along well most of the time. 

Although he wasn't fond of the pranks, but Gabe is Gabe. Can't take pranks away from a prank addicted 18 year old. God knows they all tried. 

Though that's just what made Gabriel more lovable. He was sweet and would never intentionally nor maliciously hurt someone. To him the world is a playground and he's never too old to play. 

He is basically a seven year old with his antics and the fact that somehow he always has candy with him. Micheal loved to joke with Samandriel and Castiel that Gabriel had mystical powers so he could just wish candy into existence. Sometimes Cas believed it. 

But this was Gabe's last summer before college. It seemed all of his brothers were leaving him behind. Everyone but Sam, however Sam was so much younger than him. Ten years difference to be specific. Still, Cas loves Samandriel and watches out for him the way Micheal and Gabe looked out for Cas. 

They were all so close and loving, Meg thought it was crazy. Four boys in the house, people usually expect chaos and blood. Which was half true of course, there was chaos but it wasn't necessarily bad. Sure they had the occasional fights (mostly between Gabe and Sam) but other than that the house was nice to be in. 

Their father was kind and while he was busy, Chuck was never neglectful. Just busy and lost of work to do. A social worker's job is never really done. Although Cas had his moments where he resented his father. 

They all did really, but Chuck was just trying to do the right thing all the time. Which is both stressful and difficult to do. He didn't make the right choices all the time but he still cared. And he showed that he still cared. 

It was in the way he asked about their days or the soft pat on their heads. His love for his children was tenderly held in his blue eyes when they landed upon each of them. He cared, he would never stop caring, even when they were bad. 

He didn't always make the right decision. But hey, he's a single dad with four boys, what person wouldn't make a few mistakes? 

"Gabriel I swear to Chuck if you don't get out of my room right now..." Sam seethed   
"Calm yourself baby brother, I was joking" 

Cas smiled, "hey Gabe, Sam"   
"Castiel I don't like it when you call me that!" Samandriel wined  
"Don't mind him, he's just grumpy"   
He huffed and crossed his arms, "I am NOT grumpy!"   
"Whatever you say grumpy cat" Gabe chuckled 

Gabriel dashed out of the room before Samandriel could do or say anything. Cas left after him as not to annoy Sam any more than he already had. Typically Sam was calm, sweet and kind but their dad hadn't been home all day. Which terrified Samandriel. 

Not that any one of them could blame him. He was a seven year old stuck with his three much older brothers. Not that they would ever hurt him but Sam was terrified that Chuck might not come home.

That he'd up and leave them one day. It became a fear of his two years ago when Sam was just five. Chuck had to take a last minute trip for work and ended up away from home for about two days straight. Had he of remembered to text Micheal to let the boys know, maybe Samandriel wouldn't have been so frightened. 

"So Cas how's summer so far?" Gabriel gave him a noogie  
Cas flattened his hair back down, "great so far. I'm excited for the fair" 

The awkwardness in the room silenced them. Not that Cas could blame him for this deafening silence. The fair was always a touchy subject, especially with Gabriel. It had been their thing. 

For years Micheal and or dad had taken Cas and Gabe to the fair. Every year Chuck had dressed them in matching clothes so he could recognize them in the large crowds as Gabriel had always managed to get out of sight. 

By noon Gabriel would be having a sugar crash and Micheal would help carry him to the car. Chuck would cradle a sleepy Cas in his once seemingly big arms and buckle him in. Eventually Gabriel would grab his little brother's hand and fall asleep in the seat beside him. 

But then Micheal grew up and went off to college and went on dates with his girlfriend Dawn, and dad got overwhelmed and immersed in work. By the time they were old enough to go by themselves, Gabe didn't have the heart to go anymore. And while Cas wanted to go, he wasn't about to force his big brother to go somewhere that would sadly remind him of better, happier times. All Gabe ever really wanted was to have a happy, functioning family. They all did really. 

"Are you going with Meg again?" He finally responds   
"Yeah. Do you want to come?"   
Gabriel shook his head softly before smiling a big goofy smile, "nah, I wouldn't want to keep you from meeting a cute guy" 

Cas scoffed as Gabriel gave him another noogie and sprinted off. 

'Such a trickster' Cas thought, amused

Without another word Cas called Meg up and they decided to spend their day at the creek.


	6. Chapter Six

Meg/Cas

Meg walked to Castiel's house excited for the fair. She wore a bright yellow crop top (that doubled for a bathing suit), some high waisted denim shorts and orange converse shoes. She wore the broken arrowhead around her neck and held the other in a homemade wooden box. 

She painted the box with yellow and black stripes and decorated it with pictures with herself and Cas, drawings of angel wings and cats. She prayed Cas would love it. 

"Cas!" She knocked on the door of the house, "Cas!" 

The front door opened to reveal Gabriel. He smiled and gestured her in. 

"I'm assuming Cas is still getting ready?"   
"You know how Cas is with wanting things perfect" Gabriel chuckled 

Meg smiled and sat in the couch watching television. Gabriel sat next to her on the couch and began sucking a lollipop. Meg couldn't help but to smirk at this. This dude always, always had candy. 

"You're such a candy addict" she snickered  
"Well you know what they say, one man's candy is another man's cocaine" he joked 

Meg couldn't help but giggle at him. Gabriel smirked at this and Meg slightly blushed. Nothing too noticeable though. He was no Castiel, but Gabriel was cute, no doubt about it. He was also funny and wild which she liked a lot. But of course her heart belongs to Cas and her mind returns to its deep grave within her heart. 

"Hey sorry, I couldn't find the outfit I wanted to wear so I settled for this one" he sighed

He wore denim jeans (which he rolled up past his ankle), a navy blue t-shirt and a dark jean jacket. Meg had never seen him wear denim anything so she was a little taken aback. Not that she didn't like it, he looked hot, but it was just so different and strange. 

"Well you look great" Meg tried not to sound like she had the hugest middle school type crush on him  
"Thanks Meg" he beamed at her, "c'mon let's get going, I don't want to miss the apple pie eating contest" 

They decided to drive. For one, it took about twenty minutes or so to get there on foot, and two it was scorching hot. No way in hell they were walking. 

Cas got in the driver's seat of his Lincoln Continental Mark V, Meg beside him in the passenger's seat. Meg absolutely loved to tease him that his car looked like something a pimp would drive. He hated it and rightfully so; he vowed to get rid of it the second he had money for a new car. Anyways Cas drove off after buckling his seatbelt. 

"Meg you really should wear a seatbelt" he expressed   
"Don't be such a mom Cas, jeez" Meg playfully responded 

He ignored her and rolled his eyes. Meanwhile Meg took out her backpack and played with the straps waiting for Cas to get there already! She wanted to give him the necklace she made with the arrowheads; but she decided to wait until they got back home from the fair to give it to him. That way he might look at the necklace with fun memories rather than think it was tacky. 

"Ugh finally!" Meg chided, "you drive like an old man"   
"You complain like I actually care enough to listen" he rebuked

Meg disregarded him and left her backpack in his car. After Castiel retied his muddy, black converse shoes they raced towards the fair. They passed rides and vendors selling candy and other foods until they came upon the apple pie eating competition. 

A table seating five sat beneath a striped red and white pitched tent. On the table sat a sign reading that the competition is delayed and would start later that day. 

"Dammit Cas" Meg fussed, "I don't wanna have to leave the rides in the middle of the day just to watch a pie eating contest" 

"Hey I'd much rather watch the contest now rather than later. But I can't control them so let's just go enjoy ourselves" 

She sighed but complied. They rode nearly every ride twice when Meg got a call from her father. Worried she answered the call. 

"Daddy what's wrong?" She asked immediately 

Cas couldn't hear what her father was saying but he seemed intoxicated. The kind of intoxicated that lead to bar fights and bloody, bruised faces. Cas didn't know much about Meg's father, Azazel, but he didn't expect him to be a violent man. 

As far as he knew Meg wasn't abused. She never showed signs of it and she never had any random mysterious bruises. Maybe he was just having a bad day. 

"...ok, ok I'll be right over"   
"So what's up?"   
"My dad is sick" she lied, "he needs me to pick him up" 

Cas knew immediately that she was lying. He wanted to ask her about it but Meg seemed pretty shook and upset. He didn't want to push her in case this was something sensitive. 

"Alright, um do you want me to drive you?"  
"No" she said sharply, "Uh no, but thank you Cas"   
"Do you need a car? You can take my car if you need it" 

She looked relieved, "are you sure? what about you?"   
"I'll be fine I can walk. I'll just leave when it gets less...hot" he smiled softly 

"Thank you so much Cas. I'll bring your car back in the morning" 

"Keep it as long as you need it. I hate that pimp car" he half jokingly told her  
Meg laughed, "I love you"   
"I love you too Meg" 

She squeezed him in a hug before sprinting to the car. Cas was a little upset that she lied and didn't want him with her to pick up her dad. But everyone had their own reasons for secrets. Plus she'd probably apologize and tell him about it later, as Meg often did. 

Cas then checked the time, 3:23. It was pie time! Cas moseyed towards the tent. Already people were swarming around so Cas picked up his pace so he could still see the contestants. 

He stood towards the edge of the tent and leaned slightly on the metal pole that kept the tent up. Four contestants were sitting down ready but one seat (closest to Cas) was left empty. That was the seat reserved for a guest the referee would pick from the crowd. 

While Cas loved the pie eating contest he only ever liked watching it. He has never and will never participate in the contest. He wasn't the heaviest eater and disliked getting filled to the brim. 

Plus he probably couldn't keep the pie down long enough to win. Not that they disgusted him, he loved the pies, but again, not a heavy eater. Too much food caused him to get sick and puke. 

"alrighty folks who's ready for the pie eating contest?!" The organizer of the contest yelled into the megaphone   
The crowd cheers.   
"Ok before we begin we need one man or woman to join us in the fifth chair! Who wants to be our lucky guest?" 

Nearly everyone in the crowd raised their hand excitingly. 

"You there!" The man points to the right of Cas. 

He couldn't see who the man pointed to yet, as the person was deeper in the crowd. Then people started parting almost like Moses was walking among them. 

People murmured about wishing they could participate. A few walked off. Then Cas sighted who was picked. His heart thumped wildly in his chest. A plaid shirted, ripped jeaned Dean Winchester sat in the competitor's seat. 

He looked nervous but held his half smile that made Cas' heart thump faster. Of course it had to be Dean Winchester when Meg wasn't here to calm him. But then Cas remembered they were at a fair. 

And most guys bring their dates to the fair, because hey it's cliche and a cheap date idea. His curiosity for what Alex looked like nearly oppressed his anxieties about Dean. So he stayed. 

"Let the eating...Commence!"


	7. Chapter Seven

Cas

Cas watched in astonishment as Dean shoveled the pie down his throat. He was already halfway done within the minute. Dean slammed his hands down and managed to swallow the mountain of apple pie in his mouth. The referee went up and declared Dean the big winner. The other contestants grumble but avoid confrontation. Dean shot his arms up in the air and pumped his fist. The crowd clapped and the man gave Dean a free apple pie. 

"Well there ya have it folks! A new record!" He nearly yelled into the microphone as he passed Dean the pie

Everyone clapped and Cas' eyes followed Dean's body. The teenager carefully travelled over by the picnic tables and sat down at one of them. He seemed to be waiting for someone. 

Cas assumed it was probably Alex. He set aside his anxiety and approached the gruffly attractive 17 year old. When he sat across from Dean, he noticed how startled he looked. Quickly the boy replaced it with a sly smile. 

"So I see you've won the pie eating contest. Congrats" he smiled sweetly  
"Thanks. I guess I'm just good at eating food. Especially pie" he stuck out his tongue and wet his top and bottom lips  
Cas stared at him in wonder, "So you like pie?"   
"Like it?" He chuckled, "that's an understatement. I LOVE pie. Especially apple pie" 

Cas took a mental note. 

"So what about you? Pie eater?" He asked Castiel   
Cas smiled, "I do love the apple pie here. But I don't think I love it nearly as much as you do" 

Dean nodded his head in agreement which put a small smile on Cas' lips. They sat there for some time and discussed about their day. But in the back of his mind, however, was Alex. He wondered where she was or what she was doing. Was she even here at all? Or maybe Meg was right, maybe she didn't exist at all. 

But Dean seemed so truthful and serious that last day of school. No person would react in such a loving, desperate way to a fictional person. At least no sane person. He couldn't possibly be making her up. He didn't seem like the type of the person to make something up for attention anyways. 

Cas didn't know Dean all that well but he knew enough to know Dean didn't care about what everyone else thought about him. Also he didn't seem like a liar. There are plenty of things Dean could've lied about to make himself seem cool. But he didn't. This was the only thing that didn't add up to the rest of him. 

And it drove Cas mad. He couldn't comprehend why he gave such a damn about something so little and insignificant but he did. No matter what Cas did he couldn't shake it. It rings at the back of his mind nagging constantly at him. It was slowly driving him insane. There was something about Alex that Cas needed to know. Who was she? Why is Dean so secretive about her? And did she even exist? It didn't seem like such hard questions to answer. 

Maybe Cas wanted to know because she was such a mystery. No one, no one knew anything about her. Not the students, not the teachers, not even Dean's 13 year old little brother. She was simply a mystery girl that was kept beneath the thick layers of Dean's skin. Like Repunzel in her tower. Kept in the chambers of a castle unknown to the outside world. 

Or maybe Cas needed to know because he liked Dean. Not that he'd harm or threaten Alex (not that he wants to anyways). But just because he wanted to see the lucky girl that was able to call Dean hers. Cas thought about how pretty she must be. Insanely pretty. Like perfect sun kissed skin and cute freckles dotting her nose. Maybe she's got light brown or blonde hair. Probably has honey glazed eyes. Cas sighed thinking about it. He was starting to get jealous. 

"So why'd you join the competition anyways? Since you’re new to town and all” 

Cas watched a microscopic sad expression take Dean's face. As if he was used to moving town to town constantly. He couldn't help to feel a bit sorry for him. 

Dean chuckled halfheartedly, "Honestly at first I wasn't gonna go up but then Alex encouraged me to"  
"Alex?" Cas perked up, "shes here?"

Cas watched a loving smile cover the boy’s features. 

"Yeah Alex is..." he trailed off and his eyes widened as if recognizing some sickening realization

Dean suddenly seemed panicked like he was stuck in a room that was slowly filling with water. Cas shifted in his seat feeling a tad guilty for alarming him. 

"Dean...are you ok?"   
"Uh no...I mean yeah...uh yeah I'm good. It's just.." his eyes darted around as if to look for an exit  
"Dean" a new voice called from far off

Cas watched Dean's muscles tense. His eyes went wide with fear and anticipation. He began to tap his finger against the pie covering. Cas was both scared and excited. He assumed this voice was coming from Alex. But he still couldn't see her. Cas tried not to act awkward as Dean put his hand over the side of his head as if he was shameful of something. 

Cas was starting to worry for Dean's mental health. He didn't want Dean to freak out. He thought about getting up to leave but didn't want to be rude. Plus Dean looked like he was having a panic attack and didn't want to leave him alone without someone he knew. As Cas sat there in his thoughts he didn't notice Dean frantically tapping away at his phone. 

"Please see this. Please please please" he muttered beneath his breath 

"Dean"   
"Dammit" he whispered

Cas looked up and saw someone pass Dean an ice cream cone. 

"Thanks" Dean said, clearly flustered 

Cas could tell Dean was deliberately trying not to make eye contact with him. Dean's face was completely flushed red like Christmas lights. Cas looked back up at the stranger. 

"Hi I'm Cas. I'm assuming you're Alex" Cas smiled completely filled with glee   
"Uh yeah, wh..who are you?"   
"I'm just an acquaintance of Dean's from school" 

Dean looked back up at Alex, completely mortified. Then he put his head back down, his face still fiery red. 

Now Cas finally understood why Dean didn't talk about Alex. Why he refused to talk about her to anyone. Especially since he saw the way Luci and the rest of the class treated Cas just because of his sexual orientation. Alex existed. But Alex was no she. Dean was gay. Dean fucking Winchester was gay! And Cas couldn't have been more happy about it.


	8. Chapter Eight

Cas 

Cas tried his hardest to contain his excitement. He settled for a small smile. Cas stared at Alex. He had beautiful tan skin and freckles dot the bridge of his nose. The man's eyes were a beautiful light hazel. 

His hair was dyed completely frosty white. Although his eyebrows proved he originally owned dark brown hair. He was physically taller and bigger than Dean. Maybe 6'2 while Dean was about 5'9 maybe 6'. 

Alex wasn't bulky but he had a bit of runner's physique. He had dark stubble that attached to his sideburns, ran along his nice jawline, on his chin and beneath his nose. Alex was hot as fuck. But with the beard he looked older. 

Like he was in his early 20's older. Cas shrugged it off. Maybe he was one of those guys that just look older for their age. Cas knew some guys like that. 

"So um, how do you know my name?" 

His voice was deep, deeper than Dean's. He also had a bit of an accent. Cas knew it wasn't Spanish but he couldn't quite place what exactly it sounded like. Meanwhile Dean's face kept glowing, hotter and hotter. Redder and Redder. 

"Uh Yeah, my fault. I kinda peeked at Dean's paper and found out your name" Cas blushed   
"Aww Dean you wrote my name on your papers" Alex teased

"Shut up Alex" Dean growled  
Alex looked like he was about to scold Dean "I'm sorry. Dean's not normally like this I swear" 

"It's ok I can understand why he's upset" Cas truthfully told the two, "but I promise there's nothing either of you need to worry about" 

Dean looked up at Castiel, blush still mighty, but he just slightly smiled. Cas softly smiled back at him. 

"Well I should leave you two for your date" Cas got up   
"Wait" Alex stopped him, "I know this is gonna sound strange but, maybe you could stay? I don't know any of Dean's friends and I'd like to know at least one of them" 

Dean didn't object and his blush was starting to fade. Cas looked stunned for a moment before smiling. 

"Sure. Uh is that ok with you Dean?"   
"No problem here" he told Cas 

And thus the three of them rode each of the rides three more times. They stayed until the fair closed and by then Cas was exhausted. Dean looked like he could go for another round of Scat but Alex too, seemed worn. Dean and Alex said their goodbyes to Cas and went to their car. 

Cas waved them farewell and started walking home. It was dark but at least it wasn't hot out. That would be insufferable if it were. But nonetheless he fancied home as fast as he could. He didn't like being out at night. He still got nightmares about the man who tried to kidnap him. 

While he made jokes about his near kidnapping, it terrified him. Ever since he always carried pepper spray just to be safe. He didn't tell Meg about it because he didn't want to scare her. He knew she was very protective of him. Like a mama bear with her cubs. If anything happened to him, Cas knew Meg would not be able to go on. 

It made him wonder why. What made her feel the need to protect him? He was a big boy and didn't need someone looking out for him. While Luci did bully him, it wasn't anything he couldn't handle. In fact Cas mostly ignored it. He didn't care what Luci thought about him. 

He really didn't. Although Cas did care why Luci bullied him. He felt horrible. Third grade had been hell for Luci. And it was all Cas' fault. It didn't feel right what he did to Luci. But there was no apologizing. So in a way, this bulling was the payment for what he took so long ago. 

Cas thought sadly to himself when suddenly he felt a heavy sensation on his back. He tried to ignore it but the feeling wouldn't go away. Then he noticed lights on the ground, headlights. Shit. 

Cas started to walk a little faster but the car began to pull up beside him and eventually cut him off. Before he could look up to see who was in the car he began rummaging through his pockets for his pepper spray. The car door slammed shut. 

"Hey? Do you need a ride?" 

Cas looked up relieved to see Dean. But why was he driving this way? 

"Uh I...I'm ok thanks"   
"You seem a little shaken. Are you sure?" 

Cas really wanted to go with him but felt a twinge of guilt. He'd already interrupted their date so he didn't want to cause anymore disruption. 

"Umm" was all he could say   
"I'll take that as a yes. C'mon" 

Dean opened the passenger's seat for Cas. At first he was confused until he saw Alex sleeping in the back. Cas touched the smooth, jet black metal of the car and sighed. 

"She's beautiful" Cas whispered 

Dean looked up with the cutest most proud smile Cas had ever witnessed. 

"Thanks" he continued, "she's my Baby"   
"I can see why" 

Cas sat in the passenger's seat quietly and a bit awkwardly. Dean began to pull off and away. 

"So where too?" Dean asked at normal volume  
"Uh past the crossroads on Harvelle Avenue. I live on Singer street in the more secluded part of the neighborhood" he whispered 

"Cool. I live there too" Dean added, "also Cas you don't need to whisper. Alex sleeps like a stone. See?" 

As they came to a stop light, Dean clapped his hands in front of Alex's face once. Other than Alex's shifting of his foot, he didn't move. Cas chuckled at that. 

"I'm sorry if I intruded on your date Dean. I just wanted to say hi"   
Dean only smiled, "don't apologize Cas it's fine. I did tell you I hoped to see you this summer" 

Cas blushes and fortunately Dean doesn't seem to notice. 

"Thanks for today Cas. I'm sorry for the way I acted I just..."   
"No I get it now. You don't want people to know you're gay" 

Dean went quiet before smirking. 

"What?” Cas begged for an answer, “what is it?”   
"Well first of all I’m bi” he smiled goofily  
Cas chucked softly and rolled his eyes.   
Dean continued, “and honestly? I don't give a crap who knows. It's not really that I guess. It's more for Alex's sake" 

"Do his folks not approve or something?" 

Dean smiled almost bitterly for a moment before his face hardened like on the last day of school. And Cas got the message Dean didn't want to talk about it anymore. 

He was clearly protecting Alex from something. Something that could take him away from Dean. Was it his parents? Friends? Cas wanted to know but at the same time he didn't want to pry for answers. He didn't want to hurt Dean, or Alex. Even though he did have a pang of jealousy. 

Dean pulled into the neighborhood and drove slowly towards the back of it. Cas stared out the window looking up at the stars. They were so beautiful. He loved to sit outside and watch the stars but Cas could never find that perfect spot to watch them. There was always something in the way of the sky no matter where he was. They were never clear to him. And he hated it. 

"This house here" Cas pointed 

His house was on the edge of the woods where the creek was. The house was two story and was painted a pretty grey. In the front, propped up against the house sat rose bushes. Cas always loved them. 

"Thanks Dean. I'll see you"  
"Wait, can I have your number?"   
Cas squinted towards him, "what about Alex?"  
"He'll be fine with it. Plus we're friends now and I need a way to get a hold of you" 

Cas smiled, "I suppose you do Winchester" 

Dean took out a pen but couldn't find any papers or napkins to write it down on. 

"Mind writing it on my hand?" Dean questioned   
"Sure" 

Cas tried not to blush as he grabbed Dean's soft hand to write his number on it. 

(323) 405-9939

"Goodnight Dean. Take care"   
"Night Cas" 

Cas watched the black '67 Chevy Impala ride off into the night until the darkness enveloped it completely.


	9. Chapter Nine

Dean 

Dean pulled behind the apartment complex where Alex and his father lived. For a few minutes he just sat there thinking about the night's events. He wasn't mad or upset that Cas knew who Alex was. He trusted Cas not to tell anyone. 

Although he didn't care if someone such as Luci found out. As long as Alex's dad nor his own father finds out everything will be fine. Everything will be just fine. At least that's what he tried to convince himself. 

"Alex" Dean shook him, "babe wake up" 

Alex fluttered his eyes a few times before noticing the apartment complex. He yawned and stretched. Dean silently awed at him, Alex always looked so cute after waking up. 

He was the type of guy who always woke up with bed head but still managed looked like a Disney prince. He was Dean's prince. 

"por favor, eu só quero dormir" he groaned   
Dean chuckled, "desculpa amor"   
Alex softly smiled and reached his hand up to Dean's face, "eu preciso de você agora" 

With a sly smirk Alex pulled Dean into the back seat. Dean found himself with his back pinned to the seat. Alex kneeled above him, his knees tucked into Dean's sides. Alex leaned down and grabbed Dean's face. With the pads of his thumb he traced Dean's jaw and cheeks. 

Finally he presses his lips against Dean's. Alex was so soft and gentle with Dean. He respected the boundaries of their ages and Dean's comfort levels. Although Dean wished he wouldn't sometimes. He wanted that deeper connection with Alex. He wanted it so bad but he knew they'd have to wait until Dean's next birthday to be able to. 

"Alex" Dean whispered  
"Yes?"   
"I wish we didn't have to wait so long" he sighed, "I want to be with you"   
Alex sadly smiled and rubbed his thumbs on Dean's cheeks, "I know. But we've got to wait. I promise I'll wait for you" 

Dean smiled and pecked Alex's lips, "that's all that I ask"

Instantly the the sound of the front door unlocking abruptly interrupted them. Swiftly Dean straightened and smoothed the crinkles in his AC/DC t-shirt and jeans before hopping out of Baby. Alex followed suit and they stood in front of Alex's apartment. Dean knocked on the light grey door and Quentin (Alex's father) finally opened it. 

"Hello Dean" The man smiled   
"Hey Mr. Q" Dean tried not to sound breathless   
"Would you like to come inside for some food or drinks? I made some bifanas"

Alex licked his lips at the sound of those delicious pork sandwiches.

Dean smiled, "that sounds wonderful Mr. Q. You know I love your cooking. But I gotta get home to Sammy. But thank you for the offer. Maybe next time?"   
"Of course. Please come back again" 

Dean sighed in relief as they waved goodbye. He shuffled back to Baby and hopped in the driver's seat before slowly driving home. He didn't want to be rude but it was a bit awkward talking to Mr. Quentin given the previous situation. 

He just had to get away from that awkward encounter and he knew Alex understood. Alex always understood. He also knew Mr. Quentin would understand that he did need to get home to his 13 year old brother. 

He liked Mr. Q a lot. He was a nice, generous man and he helped create an amazing man that Dean couldn't help but fall in love with. He knew he shouldn't have. Alex had warned him against it when they first met back in Dean's sophomore year. 

But Alex had those beautiful light hazel eyes that melted with the sun. Those eyes that held all of Dean's dirty little secretes. 

Though their love first came from lust, it was real, and it was true. Only Alex gave him that feeling that everything was gonna be ok. He wasn't crazy, he wasn't wrong or gross or anything. He was validated, he was normal. Dean cared so much for Alex and couldn't wait for his next birthday. 

He felt like it wasn't fair. That he didn't get to love Alex nearly as much as he wanted to. He couldn't bring Alex home and introduce him to Sammy or John; no matter how badly he wanted to. He couldn't tell Mr. Q how much he loved Alex. He couldn't do any of these things without getting beat or lectured. 

Dean knew Mr. Q wasn't against the whole boys with boys thing. In fact Alex had come out as gay last year to his dad and all Mr. Q had to say was, 'no boys in your room'. And that was that. Although he knew Mr. Quentin would be against their relationship for obvious reasons. 

Dean could understand why but Alex had never and would never do anything to harm him in any way. Still he appreciated Mr. Q's concern and genuine care for other people. 

Dean wished his father was more like Alex's dad. Understanding and loving despite anything. Unfortunately John was definitely against it. Although he knew it would be just another excuse to hammer Dean and leave him bruised and bloody. 

It was all so unfair. Why did he have to fall in love with a boy? Why did he have to fall in love with someone so much older than him? Why did he have to fall in love at all? 

He didn't want to think about these things any longer so he took out his favorite cassette and popped it in. As the music filled his ears so did his slow bitter tears. He swept the tears from his eyes and jammed to the music until arriving at his house. 

Before he could go on inside he suddenly remembered Cas and how he lived in the same neighborhood. Without quite knowing why Dean turned down the music and rolled by Cas' house. 

The light grey house was still and quiet but all the lights were on; well all but one. On the second floor on the left side of the house sat a dark room. The curtains were pulled to the side so there was a clear view of the room. Dean peered inside from the car and noticed two sources of light. 

Lining the top of the bedroom walls lit fairy lights. They weren't very bright but because of them he could see the shadow of a person on the bedroom wall. Dean could also see the faint glow of a television screen. 

He waited a few minutes to see if he could capture a glimpse of the person but the shadow sat unmoving in the slightest. Eventually Dean rode back to his house and parked in the garage. 

When everything went still he realized his heartbeat had quickened. Without much thought to it he locked the car and made his way inside. 

The first thing Dean noticed upon entering the house was John's drunken state at the table. He prayed a quick prayer that Sam was in his room or at some school club, or at least anywhere away from John. 

Fortunately Sam didn't seem to be downstairs. Dean quietly began to ascend the stairs in hopes to avoid John. But of course John wouldn't let him off that easy. 

"Dean" the man growled, "come here"   
He flinched at his name but complied to the command. 

"Yes?"   
"Where were you today?"  
"I was at the fair remember? I told you I was leaving this morning"   
John stared at him angrily in his drunken state, "but you said you'd be back by 10. It's 11:13"   
"Yes sir I'm sorry. I had to drop a friend off at his house"

"It doesn't matter Dean. You told me you'd be home by a certain time and you weren't. You lied. We don't tolerate lying in this house"

Fear shot through Dean's spine and circulated his entire body twice. He knew what was coming next. He always knew what came next. 

"You've got to learn Dean" John stood up and took off his belt, "otherwise you'll grow up thinking it's alright to lie. You'll grow up to be a bad person. Although you're already halfway there" 

That night Dean's cries and screams were smothered by John's ugly hatred. John needed a punching bag. And Dean was sure as hell not gonna let John beat up Sam. Sam didn't deserve that abuse, but Dean did. 

Dean always did. After all he was the reason mom left. He was the reason she got caught in that house fire. It was his fault that Sam didn't like John; his fault Sam argued with John over every little thing. 

Everything was always Dean's fault. That how it always was and how it would always be. Every blow of the belt that landed on Dean's spine was justified and deserved. Every unkind, belittling word was applicable to Dean. Every time John would smack Dean's head or wrist when he did something stupid was fine. 

Dean just needed to learn that what he did was stupid. He just had to learn that his behaviors are unacceptable. He had to learn he was wrong. Everything he did was wrong. Every decision he'd ever made or will make is unacceptable and idiotic. 

Dean was and always would be inferior, wretched, and deplorable. He was a wretched boy who deserved everything John inflicted upon him. And Dean believed it, down to his very cells he believed it.


	10. Chapter Ten

Dean/Sam/Dean

"Is dad at work yet?" Sam asked with a hope in his voice  
"Yeah. He left about an hour ago" 

Sam smiled fondly at his big brother and sat closer to him at the kitchen table. Dean smiled back and ruffled his hair a bit, but Sam didn't mind. Dean took a sip of his coffee and bit into his scrambled eggs that he made for the both of them. Sam too, took a sip of his orange juice and tore off a piece of bacon before taking another bite of eggs. 

"Dean?" Sam swallowed his breakfast down   
"Yeah?"   
"Can I go to the park with Jessica today?" He looked up at Dean with those puppy eyes   
Dean handed Sam his phone, "just give her a call and let me know when you want to go and be picked up"  
"YES!" Sam cheered, "thanks Dean" 

He ran upstairs to his room to change and call Jessica. Dean chuckled as he watched Sam trip over himself to climb upstairs. He always loved to tease Sam about Jessica because Sam's cheeks would always flush pink. And then he'd scrunch his little nose and tell Dean to shut up. It always put a smile on Dean's face. After last night, he needed a smile. 

As Sam nearly stampeded down the stairs, he handed Dean his phone before sitting back down to finish his breakfast. After they both finished, Dean grabbed their plates and washed them. Sam began tying his tennis shoes and waited for Dean to finish the dishes. 

"Alright when do you wanna go?"   
"Now"   
"Now?" Dean chortled, "eager eh?"   
Sam's face flushed red, "shut up jerk"   
"You shut up bitch" 

Sam snorted and Dean smiled fondly at him before rubbing his shaggy hair. 

"Alright just let me get ready and I'll drive you" 

Sam nodded his head and waited patiently downstairs. Meanwhile Dean jogged upstairs and pulled on some biker jeans, a black t-shirt with a plaid over-shirt, and some combat boots. He scampered downstairs and grabbed Baby's keys. Sam hopped up excitedly and followed Dean to the car. He sat shotgun as usual but was too short to fully see out the window. Another thing he loved to tease Sam about, his height. 

"Looks like you lost an inch" Dean joked  
"I did not!" Sam hit his arm, "shut up and drive" 

Dean laughed and drove off towards the park which was half an hour away. Neither of the brothers minded. It gave them time to talk and be brothers. Dean hadn't a clue, but Sam idolized him. He was Sam's hero, all big and mighty and strong. So strong. Sam loved Dean so much and wanted him to know. So every task Dean asked of him, he complied. Every word he chose to speak to Dean was picked thoughtfully. 

He obeyed Dean when he asked for Sam to be nice to John. He obeyed when asked to go to his room every time John came home drunk. Although Sam didn't need that instruction to obey it. He resented John deeply. He didn't know the extent of the abuse but he knew John hurt Dean. He knew their father was an callous drunkard who blamed everything on Dean. Every time John would yell at Dean for something he did "wrong"; Sam wanted to scream back at John. 

Dean didn't deserve for John to yell at him. To blame him for every little thing. Sam wanted Dean to know that. Sam wanted Dean to know how much he's worth. He wanted his big brother to smile and be happy. He wanted his hero to stand up for himself, he needed Dean to stand up for himself. 

Because if Dean doesn't stand up for himself, then he'll lose. And John would win. If the hero fails then what's the point? There would be no hope. No good to believe in. Sam didn't want his hopes crushed. He needed something good to believe in. And that something good is Dean. So if Dean fails, then there is darkness, and there is no hope. 

"Led Zeplin? Really Dean?" He scoffed   
"Hey..hey" Dean said seriously, "house rules Sammy. Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole"   
Sam rolled his eyes, "jerk"   
"Bitch" 

Within a few minutes Dean looked over to see Sam rocking out to the music. He pretended to play air guitar and thrashed his head all over the car. 

"Sammy your long locks are getting in my face" Dean quipped   
"You're just jealous of these gorgeous locks" Sam flaunted his hair   
Dean smiled, "whatever you gotta tell yourself little brother" 

They both smiled and laughed the whole way there. As the park stretched into view Sam nearly jumped out of his seatbelt in excitement. His eyes were wide and glee filled; Dean wanted to keep it that way. Everything he did, he did for Sam. Every "bad" grade Sam got, Dean took the beating to prevent Sam from injury. Every argument Sam and John had, Dean forced John's attention and anger to himself. 

Every time John came home from work after weeks away, Dean kept Sam at a friend's house or locked in his room. Every play Sam joined, Dean attended the show. Every homework assignment given, he ignored his own and focused on Sam's. Every 'have a good day' uttered was from Dean. He refused to let John's bad energy affect Sam. He refused to let John be a part of Sam's life. 

Although it wasn't like John wanted to be a part of it anyways. When Sam was little Dean wasn't as protective until he realized just how little attention John payed to the little boy. John didn't care whether they were dead or alive. He only cared about the accomplishments or successes. To him Dean was never a success, but Sam had potential. And Dean could see it. 

There was no college opportunity for Dean. He acknowledged and accepted this, but he knew Sam would go far. He wanted Sam to succeed, but not for his own desires or fame like John did. But because he loved his little brother and wanted the best for him. However, he knew once Sam got older, he'd no longer need Dean for assistance. He'd probably move on and leave Dean in the dust of his own failures. Yet Dean was ready and prepared for it. Anything for Sam. Everything for Sam. 

"Ok park here" Sam pointed towards some trees that casted a shade, "also can you pick me up at Jessica's house? Her family wanted me over for dinner"  
"Sure thing. Do you want me to stay until y'all leave?"   
Sam thought for a moment, "if you'd like" 

"But if you want to hang out with friends, or that mysterious girlfriend of yours" Sam wiggled his eyebrows, "you can go"   
"Oh shut it Sammy" Dean blushed, "and be safe. Jessica's parents are here right?"  
"Yes"  
"When do you want me to pick you up?"  
"Is nine ok?" 

Dean nodded his head, "no problem"  
Sam turned to race off but Dean stopped him. 

"Wait. If you need anything you call me got it?"  
"Yes Dean"   
"Stay with Jessica. Don't go anywhere off the park ok?"  
"Yes ok Dean" Sam sighed in annoyance   
"Hey don't catch an attitude with me. Just making sure you're safe"   
Sam frowned, "sorry just excited"   
"Alright. Go off. Have fun"   
"I will, thanks Dean" 

He nodded his head and watched as his little brother scampered off. He waited to see Jessica and her parents before staring down at his phone. Just as his eyes met the screen his phone chimed. A message popped up on screen. The message was from Alex. His heart flooded with joy. 

Alex: hey Dean, want 2 come over 4 dinner 2night?

Dean: sure, is your dad home? 

Alex: yeah but he'll be gone 4 work after we eat

Dean: alright. Sounds good to me. Although I gotta pick Sammy up at nine. So I can't stay too late. Sorry. 

Alex: no probs babe. Maybe next time? 

Dean knew there'd be no next time. He couldn't abandon Sam at home. No matter if he were alone or if John was home. No chance. 

Dean: yeah maybe. See you tonight.

Alex: see ya. Drive safe!

Dean clicked off his phone and placed it between his thighs. He circled once around the park to make sure Sam was in good hands before racing off to see Alex. He relaxed in knowing that Sam was safe and that John was far off on another job so he wouldn't be back for at least a month. So no beatings for a good month, and no chance of John finding out about Alex. He could rest easy. Just like summer is supposed to be, easy, freeing, and relaxing.


	11. Chapter Eleven

Cas/Dean

Cas laid in his bed, fiddling with the edge of his sweater. The darkness outside was comforting, but only because the stars shone brightly above. It was always difficult to see the stars, what with all the trees blocking the view. He never could find a perfect spot to watch the stars. Except for maybe his roof, but still. 

There was something different about watching the stars on earthy ground. Because there it was almost as if you were one with the universe. Your body planted on earth while your head is with the stars and the moon. 

Being able to lie there with someone you care about, and staring up at the stars. There was something so mind numbingly romantic about it. Butterflies danced in his stomach thinking about it, his head buzzing endlessly. If only he could lie down on the grass and look beside himself to find Dean there. With his pretty, emerald colored eyes staring up at the twinkling lights in the sky. 

Or being able to slip his fingers into Dean's and just hold him there. Just hold him in bed under the covers, his head resting on Dean's chest. He could kiss all his freckles, tangle his fingers through his hair and cuddle him. Nothing could hurt him there, nothing and no one could take that away. 

A blush spread upon his cheeks and he smiled foolishly to himself. Before he could totally retreat into the fluffy clouds of his mind, the phone rang. The screen lit up to show Meg's profile, a picture of the two at the beach. Meg stared sweetly at Cas who was smiling obliviously into the camera. 

"Hello Meg"  
Her voice was sobering and sad, "Cas"  
"What's the matter?"  
She paused, "Can I come over?"  
"Of course...would you like me to pick you up?"   
"I still have your car"   
Cas mentally slapped himself, "right. Ok I'll meet you out back" 

She hung up and Cas jumped from bed. He changed out of his pajama pants and pulled on some jeans before quietly tip-toeing downstairs. He heard his father on the phone in the kitchen, probably with a client, everyone else seemed to be sleeping. Castiel snaked out the front door and headed towards the back of his house. 

It was pitch black outside, so dark in fact, he felt like he could scream and the darkness would echo back. The grass tickled and wet his bare feet but he didn't mind. Without much thought to it, he headed towards the creek at their usual spot. Meg caught up with him near the edge of the woods that lead to the creek. 

Meg grabbed his hand and they walked in silence towards the babbling, cold waters. Neither of them felt like getting wet nor getting an ear full from their parents so they strayed from the water. Meg was the first to sit down by the edge and just stared longingly at the water. Cas sat beside her and wrapped his right arm around her shoulders. 

"My dad said we're leaving for the summer" Meg monotonously said   
Cas stayed silent, unsure how to respond. 

"We're going to Hawaii. Said he needed a break from home, we're gonna stay with family out there. But I like it here. I like being able to wake up knowing I get to see you everyday" 

"Hawaii" Cas whispered, "never thought I'd have to hate it" 

Meg looked up at him and quickly glanced at his lips before averting her eyes towards his. 

"But you know I'll be right here when you get back. And I'll miss you everyday" he looked down at her 

She smiled sadly, "I'm gonna miss you too Cas. I can't believe I won't get to see you this summer" 

"Me neither" Cas sighed heavily, "when are you leaving?"   
"The day after tomorrow"  
"THURSDAY?" He exclaimed   
She nodded her head sadly, "just found out this afternoon" 

Silence washed over them, their frames hugged together. A tear slipped her face but she quickly wiped it to avoid embarrassment. 

"How's your dad gonna pay for this anyways?" Cas finally asked   
Meg shrugged, "I dunno, daddy just told me that he sold big"   
"What the hell does your dad even sell?"   
"People's souls" Meg joked

Cas let out a breathy snort. Meg smiled slightly. 

"I don't know and I don't care" her sigh was heavy, "It gets food on the table and clothes on my back so I don't ask" 

Meg rested her head back on Castiel's shoulder. The quiet peace protected her from the days to come. Cas stared at the water longingly and imagined what his summer would turn out to be without Meg. She was his best and really only friend. He was friends with Charlie and Kevin but he didn't really know them all that well. At least, not the way he knows Meg. 

The only reason he even knows those two is because Micheal convinced their father to make Cas join a club freshman year. The only one that had interested him was computer science. It was interesting enough but he didn't understand it that well. Plus after he met Meg he stopped going to the club and lost most contact with them. He doubted they'd want to see him again, in fact he doubted they'd even remember him. 

So that wasn't an option, and neither was family time with his dad and brothers. Micheal was probably off with his girlfriend and Gabriel was definitely off being a delinquent and causing trouble with his friends. His dad was surely doing work and Sam was too young to really hang out with. Plus he was probably too busy catching and playing with bugs with his friends. Cas never would understand the kid’s obsession with bugs. 

Leaving only one other person that he somewhat knew, Dean Winchester. He wondered how possible it would be to hide his crush on him. Like how do you hide something like that? Cas never was really all that good at lying. Although part of that would have to be blamed on the fact he didn't like lying.

Chuck had always taught him and his brothers to be honest. Even if and when it's difficult, that way it's less painful when the truth does come out. Because, as Chuck constantly reminded them, "the truth will come out one way or another. Some day or another. So just be straightforward so the impact hurts less". Cas took it to heart and believed it. The truth is the way to happiness, even if it hurts sometimes. 

"Cas?" Meg bit her lip and looked up at him longingly   
"Yes?" He turned his head down to face her  
"I..."

~~

Dean pulled into the parking lot of the apartment complex. He rubbed the bruises that wrung around his wrist and heaved a heavy sigh. He tugged the sleeves of his leather jacket down and hopped out of Baby. He barley had time to knock on the door because Alex opened it excitedly. 

The 17 year old winced as his boyfriend grabbed his wrist and led him inside. Mr. Q was seated at their dining table which sat behind their couch. The television on the farthest wall across the couch, was bright with two buff men wrestling each other to the ground. 

As soon as Alex's father laid eyes upon the shy looking Dean; he stood up and gave the boy a hug. Their lips curled upwards in small smiles as they embraced. Dean wanted to hold on a little longer but let go as soon as Mr. Q did. 

"How's Sammy?" Mr. Q finally asked   
"He's doing good. All A's"   
"That's wonderful Dean. And how are your grades?" 

Alex sat at the dinner table and beckoned Dean to sit across from him. Dean obliged. 

"Um not as great' Dean confessed, "but I was never really the smart one in the family anyways" 

"Oh that's not true" Mr. Quinten defended, "you're plenty smart. Smarter than me that's for sure" 

Alex chuckled, "the only reason you didn't flunk is because the teacher liked you" 

Mr. Q playfully hit his son on the head. 

"Ow!" Alex rubbed the back of his head   
"Oh don't be such a baby" Dean teased 

Alex stuck his tongue out and Dean chuckled. 

"So Papai, when are you going to work?" Alex stared intently at Dean

Dean tried so hard not to blush. 

"I should be leaving now, but I wanted to say hello to Dean first"   
"Well you've said your hello now say goodbye" 

This time Mr. Q chuckled, "well someone is excited to play x-box with their friend. Alright I'll leave. Goodbye Dean, it was nice seeing you" 

Dean stood up to give the man a hug, "bye Mr. Q and thank you for having me over"  
"Of course, please come back anytime"

Alex and Dean watched as the man got into his car and drove off to work. Alex turned to Dean and smirked.

"Yeah come back anytime" he grabbed Dean around the waist and pulled him into a kiss


	12. Chapter 12

Dean

"Alex" Dean playfully scolded after the kiss, "at least take me to dinner first" 

"Ugh fine. You're no fun" he licked his lips as if to savor the kiss and pulled out Dean's chair for him, "tonight we're having Francesinha" 

Dean smiled softly and sat in his seat as Alex continued to act like a waiter at some fancy restaurant. 

"Alright please excuse me to the kitchen so I can grab your plate" Alex excused himself pretentiously 

Dean laughed as the older boy bowed and scampered off into the kitchen. There was only a small railing to cut the kitchen off from the dining table. Alex of course made Dean pretend it was a whole wall dividing them. 

Fortunately it took him only a few seconds to come out with a nice warm plate with food. Dean licked his lips seeing the steaming cheese atop the thick slices of bread. Smudged between the bread sat ham, fresh sausage, and smoke pork sausage. 

It was his favorite food that Mr. Quintin would make so it became a thing. Every time Dean came over for dinner they'd have Francesinha. 

"So.." Alex wiggled his eyebrows, "are you here alone or you got a date?" 

"sorry I've got a boyfriend" Dean smirked, "but he's a bit of a pretentious prick so he's running late"

Instantly Alex's face changed to a snooty look and he ran towards the front door. 

"Oh helloooooo darling" He grabbed Dean's face, "sorry I'm late. The dry cleaners fucked up my suit so I had to go shopping last minute" 

"Classy people don't say fuck" Dean corrected, his cheeks squished between Alex's fingers

"Well I do" he smirked and pecked his lips before letting go of the younger boy's face

Alex grabbed his own plate and sat down at the table across from Dean. As the two ate their food they talked about their days. Although Alex talked the majority of the time while Dean shoveled the delicious food down his gullet. 

He didn't care about the warm cheese that dribbled down his chin. Even though it annoyed the hell out of Alex. He kept wiping it off Dean's chin but the cheese kept flowing. 

Eventually Alex gave up and tried to ignore it. When they were finally done Dean washed off his hands and mouth while Alex cleaned the dishes. 

"So when do you need to go pick Sam up?" Alex asked   
"Uh, he wanted me to pick him up at nine" Dean answered from the bathroom 

Alex smirked and turned the faucet off, "well it's eight now sooo..." 

Dean came out of the bathroom to see the smirk on Alex's face. In an instant the younger boy was partially paralyzed there in Alex's gaze. He was so damn attractive it was hard to find words sometimes. Although that didn't seem to matter because the next thing he knew, Alex was sucking on his air supply. 

He wrapped his arms around Dean's waist and forced their bodies into his bedroom. After locking the door, Alex turned back to Dean only to shove him against the wall. His lips still pressing roughly into the boy's skin. 

Dean wanted and tried to enjoy it but it was so unlike Alex. His kisses were too rough and his movements were too desperate. If it weren't for the fact they were older; he would've thought they were back in his sophomore year. Back when their relationship was based around lust. 

The way Alex was kissing him was the same way he used to when he was that attractive stranger in the senior class. 

Alex kept harshly kissing the younger boy, leaving bruises on his neck. He started to lift Dean's shirt and at first Dean wasn't going to refuse. This is what he wanted right? This deeper connection with Alex? Dean closed his eyes and let Alex's hands move where they pleased. 

But before long his kisses were starting to sting. The skin beneath Alex's tongue and teeth was beginning to grow raw. Dean couldn't take it anymore. This wasn't his Alex. So as his shirt was lifted above his chest, he stopped Alex's frantic hands. 

"A..Alex" Dean managed, "Alex stop"   
Alex kept kissing him, "What's wrong? I thought this is what you wanted?"

Dean closed his eyes but still couldn't enjoy the moment, "no Alex stop. Please just stop"

Alex got off him and stared at Dean. Together the two boys sat down on Alex's bed awkwardly. Dean felt guilty but he knew something was off. And it wasn't the fact Alex was three or so years older than him.

"What's wrong, meu príncipe encantado?" 

Even though Dean's Portuguese was absolute shit; it always made Alex smile. And he did, but it was one of those bitter smiles. Dean wanted more than anything to take away that pain. 

"nada meu lindo vaqueiro" 

The words rolled easily off his sweet tongue and Dean blushed at his nickname.

"There's something wrong I know it. This isn't like you Alex. Tell me what's wrong. Please" "Dean I have to go" he said coldly

He scrunched his face, puzzled at his words, "what do you mean? I...I don't understand"

"Last night my dad told me we have to go back to Portugal. My mom is dying" he paused, "Once she's gone we'll have to watch over my little brother Roque who's too young to be alone. My dad says he doesn't know how long we'll have to be there. Or if we're ever coming back" 

Dean tried to hold back his own sobs. Alex was leaving him behind. Just like his mother, his father, and one day Sam too. He was going to be alone in the world again. 

"When..um..when are you leaving" his face stern, the tears still on the verge of his eyes 

"Thursday" 

Dean's heart sank and shattered. 

"So what does that mean for us?" Dean asked, uncertain if he wanted to hear the answer   
"I don't know" Alex sighed 

But Dean wanted an answer. He needed one. He wanted Alex to stay, he needed him. He was nothing without Alex. 

"May...maybe we could try long distance" Dean suggested   
Alex shook his head, "maybe" 

For awhile they just laid there, side by side. Then Dean wrapped his arms around Alex's waist and snuggled up to him. 

"I know that you told me not to" Dean began, "for this reason exactly. But I need you to know that I love you. I know it's stupid. But I...I couldn't help it. I just thought you should know. You know, before you leave"

Alex nodded his head and leaned down to kiss Dean's forehead.

"Please don't leave me Alex" Dean cried, "I don't know what I'll do without you. I'm so scared"   
"You'll get through this Dean. You're strong" he rubbed Dean's back 

Dean nestled even closer to Alex's chest and eventually fell asleep there. The beat of Alex's heart lulled him to sleep. And Dean wanted so horribly to stay right there in that moment. Forever.


	13. Chapter 13

Meg/ Dean 

“I...” 

Cas stared down at her with those night sky eyes of his. Her brain and heart screamed at her to spit the words out but her lips, refused the command. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t do that to Cas, no matter how badly her heart wanted him to know. 

She sighed, “I hate my dad sometimes. And I know that sounds horrible. He works his ass off to support us. But he’s so cold and distant to me. It feels like he doesn’t even see me anymore. It’s like I’m nothing more than a shadow on the wall. Just a routine his brain numbingly agreed to complete. He’s like a robot doing chores” 

Cas squeezed her a little tighter to him, “I can understand that Meg. Sometimes I feel like a soldier to my dad. Programmed to follow orders without question. Even if I don’t agree with what’s being asked of me. But I do it anyways because it’s my family and it’s what they expect from me. But Meg its ok if we choose to do and be something else. It’s ok to be angry at our fathers for what they put us through. We can still love them but hate their actions or methods”

Meg nodded her head and leaned into his shoulder, “thank you Clarence, you really are my guardian angel” 

The coal haired teen let a small, smile slip onto his lips. They stayed there for hours in each other’s company. The crickets and other critters filled the lack of noise that filled the space between the teenagers.

‘This is summer’ Cas thought 

~~

Dean woke up to find Alex watching the television in his room. He rubbed his eyes and checked the clock. 8:43. 

“SHIT” Dean jumped up out of bed and raced towards the front door 

Alex watched him leap into his car and drive off. Dean decided to text Alex later, he was gonna be late to pick Sam up. He raced into traffic and sped through town until finding Jessica’s neighborhood. Her family wasn’t rich or anything but they had money to spare, and their neighborhood showed. Lots of nice suburban houses lined the neighborhood. 

He slowed down only to assure he wouldn’t run over some poor pedestrian. He didn’t feel like going to prison for manslaughter. He just didn’t want Sam to be left with John. That would be worse than any torture in hell. Life without Sammy really would be hell on earth. Even if Sam didn’t feel the same. 

“Hey Dean. This is Jessica’s mother. I’m sorry to bother you, but we were just wondering where you were. Sam is just getting nervous that’s all. Thank you and goodbye” the recorded message played through the phone speaker 

Finally Dean found Jessica’s house and parked on the curb. After knocking on the door he started to text Alex to apologize. But as usual, Alex had already texted him first. 

Alex: hey I’m sorry for 2night babe. 4give me? 

Alex: Dean did u get my message? I’m sorry :( :( :( 

Alex: Dammit Dean!! Please just answer 

Dean clicked the phone off as the door opened to reveal Jessica. She was 13 years old, same age as Sam. She had curly, long blonde hair that she often left loose to fly in her tan face. Her blue eyes were also soft and friendly along with her smile. 

“Hi Dean!” She said excitedly, “did you go see your girlfriend?”  
“Yeah I did” he smiled ecstatically, “we uh, took a nap”  
“That explains your hair” she giggled and invited him in 

Dean quickly combed his messy hair with his fingers to straighten it out. When he walked into the house he found Sam helping Jessica’s parents clean the dishes. He chuckled to himself at how polite Sammy was. He was a sweet kid, surprising since Dean was the one raising him. 

“Dean!” Sam smiled and raced to hug his big brother 

Water and soap from Sam’s hands splashed onto Dean’s shirt but he didn’t mind. The imprints stayed and soaked into him even after Sam had left his arms. 

“Why are you late?”  
“I took a nap and over slept I’m so sorry”  
Sam looked Dean in the eyes, “it’s ok” 

And he meant it. He knew how much shit Dean went through on a daily basis. Being a child who is expected to watch over a younger kid without adult supervision must take a toll on someone. The stress of it is a burden and if something goes horribly awry, there’s no one to blame but the kid. A kid who just wants to be a kid. Plus if Dean was having fun he deserved it, and if he was late then so be it. 

“Hey Mrs. and Mr. Moore. sorry for being late”  
“Oh it’s quite alright” her father said, “Sam is a good kid, we don’t mind having him over”  
Mrs. Moore smiled, “he really should come by more often. If you ever need a break just drop him by”  
“Thank you, and I will. Have a great night”  
“You too Dean” they said  
“Bye Dean!” Jessica waved with a large, giddy smile, “bye Sammy!!” 

Sam and Dean waved goodbye and hopped into Baby. Dean revved the engine and she roared to life. Patting the dashboard he drove off, the stresses of the day melting off as each mile was passed. 

“A break?” Sam scoffed, “please I’m a friggin joy to have around”  
Dean smirked, “oh is that right?”  
“With you I’m surprised I’ve lived this long without blowing my brains out”  
Dean rolled his eyes, “you’re a bitch”  
“And you’re a jerk” Sam said with a smile 

They rode in silence for the rest of their trip to their house. Even when they stopped by some random house, Sam kept his mouth shut. But he watched intently as Dean stared at a certain room. A quiet, dark room that sat on the second floor on the left side of the house. 

Dean’s eyes narrowed for a moment and he sat stone still. But nothing moved inside those walls. At least nothing Dean cared for anyways. They sat there for a good five minutes until he noticed two figures heading out of the woods. 

His heartbeat quickened when he saw that familiar glowing smile and coal black hair. He was laughing at something his friend was saying. He didn’t know it at the time, but his heart melted at the sight of it. 

“I’m really gonna miss you Meg” 

Their voices much clearer as they neared the front of the house. 

“Me too, but I’ll send you postcards as often as I can” 

She walked away and headed presumably to wherever she called home. Dean started to put Baby into drive and flinched when he heard his name called. 

“Ok be cool Sam. Be cool” Dean slicked his hair  
Sam snorted, “why are you acting weird?”  
“I’m not acting weird...you’re...”  
“Hello Dean” the boy nearly materialized beside the car  
“He..hey” 

The boy looked both confused and amused. Why in hell was Dean Winchester parked outside his home? 

“So what are you up to? I thought you lived that way” he pointed behind them  
“Well yeah...but...”  
“He was taking me for a night drive” Sam spoke up 

Dean looked at him in both relief and horror. 

“You must be Sam” the boy smiled sweetly  
“Perhaps...who’s wants to know?”  
Cas chuckled and unknowingly to Dean his blood flow rushed to his cheeks. 

“I’m Castiel, a uh..friend of your brother. You can call me Cas”  
“Cas” Sam repeated and smiled happily

Dean finally choked his words up and cockily smiled at the younger boy.

“Well we oughtta get home..Sam gets pretty tired around this time”  
“Hey...” Sam complained but Dean cut him off  
“So I’ll see ya later” 

Cas looked at him skeptically but accepted the answer, “Alright. Although um...Dean I was wondering if you’d like to go to the creek with Meg and me tomorrow? Sam can come too if he’d like” 

Before Dean could reply Sam jumped up and shouted, “YES”  
Cas laughed and Dean chuckled, “Alright it’s a plan”  
“Alright see you two tomorrow. I’ll text you the time. Drive safe” 

Dean started the car, “bye Cas” 

“Oh and Dean” Cas smirked, “if you wanted to see me you could’ve just called”  
“Right well, I’m a bit old fashioned” He fought viciously to contain his blush, it wasn’t working  
“Right” Cas’ right eyebrow uplifted and he smirked, “bye Dean” 

Dean sped off and Sam looked over at him.  
“Not a word” he growled and stared intently ahead him 

Sam went to stare out the window when he noticed something he wished he hadn’t.  
“Um Dean...” Sam stifled his laugh  
“Hmm?”  
“Is that supposed to happen?” He pointed and Dean followed his finger 

Dean stared in horror at his jeans. His bulge nearly popped out from his pants. 

“Fuck” he quickly grabbed a small blanket he kept in the backseat and covered his lap 

Sam howled and tears of utter joy leapt from his eyes. 

“Dean...” he struggled to breathe, “is...is there som...” 

The laugher spilled out of him like a broken piñata. 

“Something you want...to..tell me”  
“I’m not gay Sam! Ok?!” His face scrunched with panic “I was just thinking about Alex ok?”  
“Yeah ok whatever Dean. You have a crush on Cas. You have a crush on Cas”  
“Shut up and get out of the car” he demanded 

Dean parked and the two got out of the car and headed inside the house. Sam still clutched his stomach in glee. Sam turned to Dean once more in an attempt to annoy him. But Dean was serious now, his face stern and a deep pink imprinted his cheeks. 

“Not. A. Word”  
And Sam complied.


	14. Chapter 14 (Part One)

Cas

It was 6:56 am when Cas awoke to the irritating sound of his phone ringing. He groaned and blindly groped around the table by his bedside until he found it. He clicked the phone on expecting to see Meg’s ID. 

Instead the screen lit up with the words My Honeybee with two heart eyed emojis. His deep blue eyes widened with the realization and he quickly prepped himself to answer it. 

“Hello Dean” Cas squeaked, his head screaming  
“Uh hi Castiel?” A softer voice answered, “This is Dean’s little brother Sam”  
His heart rate dropped, “oh hello Sam. What are you doing with Dean’s phone?” 

The boy paused for a moment. 

“Um..I don’t have a phone and I know Dean doesn’t like me touching his phone unless it’s an emergency or if I ask permission...” the young boy rambled, “but I really wanted to talk with you”  
Cas chuckled, “of course Sam. What is it you’d like to speak about?”

He paused again, the moment lasting a little longer this time. Cas wondered if he had said something wrong. 

“Well...I..don’t really know how long you’ve known Dean...or how long you two have spoken...” his voice was rushed and Cas wasn’t sure where the conversation was heading  
“Sam are you alright?” 

The thirteen year old sucked in air as he tried to calm himself, “Yes I’m ok. It’s just...I don’t have long before Dean wakes up and I need you to know this”  
“Okay..” 

“I like you Castiel. Not in a crush way or anything...” he chuckled awkwardly, “but you’re a good influence on my brother. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever seen Dean as giddy or happy as he was with you last night. And I know that was only a glimpse of what your relationship with Dean is like...but I know what I saw..”

“He actually seemed to be himself. Minus all the, please forgive my french, bullshit Dean has been though...all the masks he’s worn for my sake and for his own sake...he was himself when he was with you. Really, truly himself. The boy that sat next to me in Baby last night was who my brother really is. And that was a wonderful gift to experience Castiel” 

Cas sat up in his bed and rubbed the fuzz from his eyes. His heart beat slightly faster at Sam’s words. Was this true? And if so what does it mean for him? 

The boy continued, “I mean, even when he comes home from a date with his girlfriend..it’s not the same. He doesn’t have that smile. That happy, cocky smile that he had last night. And to be completely honest, I’m worried Cas. When he does spend time with his girlfriend he seems...stressed, high strung and unhappy. I’m worried that she’s abusive towards him...” 

He paused once again and Cas was beginning to worry, “I’ve seen their texts and...Alex is her name? Well Alex seems very possessive and needy. Like if Dean doesn’t text back right away she gets frustrated and calls him bad names and threatens to leave him. And when he finally replies she ignores him for awhile before apologizing and begging for forgiveness. I don’t like it. I don’t like her at all” 

Cas didn’t know how to respond to any of this. It was quite random and strange that Dean’s little brother would call him at six in the morning to tell him these personal things. 

“Oh also last night Dean wasn’t taking me for a night drive. He specifically drove by your house, I think to see you...he’ll deny it because he’s my brother and he doesn’t admit to feelings very easily. But I think he likes you Cas. In fact...” Sam began to giggle, “as we drove away last night Dean got a bo..”

Cas could hear the muffled voice of Dean over the phone. There was a small tussle before a familiar, sexy, deep voice answered. He felt his heart skip a beat or two as it began to race. 

“Hey Cas I’m so sorry if Sam woke you. I’ll get his ass for this later” 

Cas’ face was fuming pink and he was sure his voice would give him away. But since Dean couldn’t see his head nod over the phone he came to the dreadful conclusion that he would have to answer. 

“Um yeah..” his voice cracked and he mentally slapped himself for it, “Yeah it’s ok”  
“Are..you ok Cas?” he could hear the worry and concern in Dean’s voice  
“I’m great” his voice faltered, “just tired...and please don’t get mad at Sam. He wasn't bothering me”  
Dean sighed “so what did he say? Anything embarrassing?”

Cas wasn’t sure how to answer that. On one hand he wanted to be cocky and come off as a smooth son of a bitch but on the other hand he was a wallflower. And unlike Logan Lerman’s charming Charlie, there were absolutely no perks to being a wallflower. Just loneliness, endless anxiety and constant overthinking. Also it’s not like his life is some teen drama teens and young adults like to read about. 

“No..no he was just wondering what time we were going to the creek”  
Dean sighed in relief, “oh ok, what time did you say?”  
“Um how about around 10:30?”  
“That sounds awesome” and Cas swore he could see the grin on Dean’s face, “we’ll talk then” 

Cas hung up and lied in bed for a few more minutes before forcing himself to his feet. He rubbed his temple and fought the anxiety that ate at his insides. The boy got up and took a shower before heading downstairs and eating some fruit loops. 

Even in the shocked silence of his brain he could not shake what Sam had told him. Was Alex really abusive? He seemed so kind and funny, charming really. And maybe it was the fact that he was hot as fuck, but Cas really liked him. But in some same breath, it looked a little strange to Cas. It could’ve been the stubble on his chin, but he did seem older than Dean. And not like a few months older. He definitely did not look 18. 

Alex was very muscular, and not that Dean wasn’t either; but the way Alex was built was more one of a grown man’s. No teenager is as bulky as Alex was. At least no real teenager, maybe a teenager from a television show. Like Archie Andrews from Riverdale. 

Still it was hard to imagine Alex taking advantage of anyone, especially Dean. That boy was so strong willed and brilliant. Cas just couldn’t wrap his mind around anyone being capable of manipulating Dean. But the more Cas thought about it the more he believed it.

At the time it seemed nothing more than nervousness, but when Alex and Cas met for the first time, he kept side eyeing Castiel. It was almost like some primal jealously, as if he’d ever make a move on anyone in a relationship. But Alex had kept Dean’s hand locked between his fingers as if he were afraid something would take Dean away at any given moment. 

Cas couldn’t help getting worked up over it. He cared so intensely for Dean it was almost a little scary. Sure they had only known each other since after Christmas break of last school year, but there was something about Dean. Something special that dragged him in. As if the universe had just decided they had to be together, but it couldn’t seem to find a way to bring them together. There always seemed to be something that stood in their way. 

“Good morning Cas”  
“Morning Dad”  
“What are you up to this morning?” Chuck sipped at his coffee and tied his robe together  
Cas frowned, “just thinking...um..dad?”  
“Hmm?”  
“how do you know someone is being abused?”  
Chuck looked at his son, “well, it depends on the person. Not every victim of abuse shows that they are in constant fear. Sometimes it’s subtle” 

Cas nodded his head, “what are the signs?”  
“Well if it’s physical abuse, people will flinch if someone comes at them too fast, and if there are visible marks then the person will be meticulous about hiding them. They probably won’t open up about the abuse and usually hide and push down their emotions. Reason being their abuser most likely will just get angrier if any emotions are shown, so they shut down to survive..”

“And how do you know if someone is being taken advantage of? Ya know in a relationship?”  
“Son is there something you want to tell me?”  
Cas sighed, “I’m just worried for Dean. Sam told me about Dean’s uh...girlfriend, Alex, and how she might be abusive. What do I do?” 

“Well you can’t solve it for Dean, he wouldn’t let you anyways. And if you outright tell him you’re worried he’ll just run right back to Alex. Because Alex is acting like his protector when in reality she’s not. The best thing you can do is be there for him, report Alex if you must. But just be there for him. Let him know you’re safe to go to if anything happens” 

Cas finished his bowl and put in in the sink, “thank you dad. I’ll see you later, I’m meeting Meg at the creek today”  
“Alright, just call me if she’s sleeping over”  
“Dad, you know she is” Cas smiled  
“Yeah I know” he smiled back, “just no boys”  
“No boys” Cas repeated and headed out to the creek


	15. Chapter 14 (part two)

Dean/Cas

“Babe I’m just going to the creek in the neighborhood. If you want to come I’m sure Cas wouldn’t mind”

Alex rolled his eyes and huffed, “I don’t want to fucking go to the creek and get wet and sunburnt”  
“you’re tan I doubt you have to worry about that” Dean tried to joke 

“Shut up” he growled, “do you even know how that makes me feel? I’m leaving for Portugal tomorrow and you want to spend the day with some other dude”

“Well Sammy is going too. He wanted to go and I didn’t want to take that away from him...”

Dean stood at the edge of the driveway, Alex leaned against his car. He couldn’t bear to look at Alex in the eye. Per usual he was fucking things up and ruining Alex’s life. It wasn’t the first time and they were both sure wouldn’t be the last. Why was he such a fuckup? 

“you know what? I don’t even fucking care anymore. If you want to go suck his dick go right ahead. See if I give a damn”  
“Alex..”  
“Just fuck off already damn. I told you I don’t care” Alex picked at the blue paint of the car  
“If you would jus..”

Alex shot up, nearly casing Dean a heart attack. He grabbed Dean’s arm and looked him deep in the eyes. The boy stared back, terrified he’d leave him there all alone. 

“If I would just what Dean?” He snarled, “I told you, I don’t give a fuck. Just let me know when you want to spend your final day with me...your boyfriend” 

Alex hopped in the car and sped off towards his own home. Dean stood there and rubbed the bridge of his nose. He sighed heavily and stared up at the house to see Sam peering out the window. He forced a reassuring smile and walked into the house. 

“Who was that?”  
“A friend from school” he lied  
“Why was he mad?”  
Dean heaved, “nothing. I just messed up that’s all. He’ll be ok”

‘We’ll be ok’ Dean tried to soothe himself, ‘just a hiccup. He’ll forgive me. He’ll forgive me. Please God let him forgive me’ 

Sam frowned but did not push further in fear of making him upset. 

“Are you ready for the creek?” Dean asked  
Sam moved the towel in his hand from his shorts to revel his bathing suit, “Yep”  
“Alright I packed lunch would you please go get it from the kitchen?”

Sam nodded his head and ran towards the kitchen. 

“It’s in the brown paper bag!” Dean called before heading towards the car

Sam followed him out, towel in one hand, a paper bag in the other. He hopped into the passenger seat and Dean carefully rolled away. 

It didn’t take long before he and Sam were sitting on a picnic blanket next to a brown haired chick and her gorgeous, sweet, blue eyed best friend. The teens all sat there laughing and discussing their summers so far.

Even shy, introverted Sam rambled on about his short few weeks that they called Summer. There was just something in the mid-afternoon June breeze that intoxicated each and every one of them. All their worries and stressors forgotten at the sweet moment. 

“So you’ll be a freshman this year right Sam?” Cas asked  
“Yeah, I’m really nervous but excited. My best friend Jessica will be attending so I’m not as worried I guess” 

Meg saw something familiar flicker in the boy’s eyes as he said her name. It was that same fire she felt every time her brain would even mention Castiel. 

“So how long have y’all been friends?” Meg smiled  
“Well we moved to this town this year obviously. But there’s a town not far from here that we used to live. And that’s where I met her. So maybe about two years now? Three?”

Dean smiled warmly, “three years Sam. That’s actually when I met Alex”

Something in Cas’ chest tightened and almost squeezed the tears out of him. 

“So how did y’all meet anyways?” 

Dean wasn’t sure he could answer. For one, Sam didn’t know he was bisexual, two, Alex was 20 years old now. He was already 18 when they met. He couldn’t admit to sucking Alex’s dick back in his sophomore year when Alex had been a senior at the time. 

It was both illegal and embarrassing. Although technically they hadn’t really had sex so it didn’t count. But would Cas and Meg see it that way? Probably not. 

“We went to the same high school” he began, “We met in gym class in sophomore year. She actually came into me first. Ya see I was a bit of a shy bastard when it came to her”

Dean smiled but there was hidden disgust behind his eyes; and the worst part was he didn’t even realize it. But Cas could see it, feel it ripping at his heart. He wanted so badly to just take that pain from him. 

“She was just so pretty it was quite intimidating. Anyways she approached me one day after gym and..”

‘And he had slammed me against the lockers and we made out for awhile’ 

But Dean couldn’t say that. He knew damn well he couldn’t, his lips wouldn’t let him.

“She asked me out. I was shocked at first. Like holy hell this hot goddess just asked me...ME!!! Out on a date! I was baffled and shook. But eventually I got used to her and she even boosted my confidence” 

Dean smiled cockily, “I fell for her pretty hard if I’m being honest. She’s funny, sweet and charming. Although she’s got a pretty nasty temper but I got one too so I can’t blame her” 

Meg laughed, “that’s some cute shit right there. You sure y’all aren’t movie stars in some teen drama?”  
“I wouldn’t be surprised they’re both supermodels” Cas laughed 

Dean blushed and had to look away. Sam nudged Cas in the side and smirked. He quickly got flustered and refused to acknowledge the tension in the air. Sam seemed very annoyed by that. Meg too picked up on the tension so she scooted closer to Cas.

She glanced at Dean and noticed his purposeful lack of eye contact with any one of them. She rested her head on Cas’ shoulder. And Sam couldn’t help but feel defensive, he couldn’t quite place why though. 

“So are you two together?” He questioned nonchalantly  
Dean looked down at his phone as his phone dinged. Of course it was Alex. 

Alex: hey baby I’m so so sorry, can we talk 2night? Ur place?

Dean tapped calmly away at his screen. Hopefully his WiFi would work down here. Although it always seemed to work when Sam was around. Something about it was just..not natural. 

“No..no” Cas chuckled, “we’re just friends. Meg here has a crush on some mysterious dude and as for me, well...I’m gay”  
Dean shot his head up to Sam, fearful of what his brother might say. 

“Oh cool” Sam smiled, “have you come out to your family?”  
“Sam!” Dean lightly hit his arm, “you don’t ask people that”  
“Don’t worry about it” Cas chuckled, “Yeah I’m out” 

Sam nodded his head and Dean felt some strange relief. Then he caught Meg’s eye, that was before she swiftly turned away. But he saw the familiar heartbreak and rejection in her eyes. Meg was helplessly, miserably in love with her best friend. 

Dean couldn’t think of a worse fate than that. Because there was no fixing that once the truth came out. It would break them. Cas couldn’t love her, not like that, and Meg couldn’t stop loving him. It isn’t something that just goes away. They would never be together and Meg could never cry to him about it. 

“Alright enough chit chat!” Cas got up, gently pushing Meg off him, “I’m sweaty and hot and I promised y’all a fun day in the creek” 

Cas ran past the bank and straight into the creek, Sam hot in his trail. Meg and Dean walked a bit slower, both unsure if they wanted to address the tension. 

“Cas is something special ain’t he?” Dean chuckled  
Meg smiled fondly, “yeah he is”  
“So How long?”  
“Excuse me?” Meg chuckled awkwardly  
“How long have you...ya know..been in love with him” he said in a lower voice 

They stood by the bank for a moment, neither of them daring to touch the rippling currents.  
“I have no idea what you’re talking about”  
“Meg..”  
“No!” Her voice firm yet breaking, “no”  
“Are y’all gonna get in or no?” Cas smiled up at them  
Meg turned to Cas and smiled, “I’ll be right in”

“Meg, you know one day he’s gonna gonna find out..” he paused and stared at her, “and it’s gonna break you, both of you”  
She looked at him, tears in the brink of her eyes, “don’t you think I know that asshole? Don’t you think I have to live with that knowledge every damn day of my hellish life?” 

Dean could see the very fires of hell burning her soul when her eyes landed on him. And God did that crush him, he knew that feeling all too well. She sighed. 

“We’ll be fine” she muttered, “he’ll be fine” 

With that the girl turned from him, plastering a smile to her face as she splashed Cas. Dean sighed and followed her in, swimming towards Sam. Leaves fell from the overhanging trees and fluttered into their faces. 

Dean noted just how beautiful it really was. The scene was something one might see in postcards from tropical places. Places like Brazil and Portugal. He wondered for a moment if Alex would send him some one day. He hoped so. 

Dean passed under the canopy of trees that casted shadows onto the surface; distorting the water below. Large boulders littered parts of the creeks creating great hiding spots to avoid being splashed. 

Branches floated past them as the mild current pushed them, knocking them into the mud where they eventually got stuck. Dean would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little nervous about the current. Sam was thirteen but still, the current was pretty strong. 

“So why’d you move here anyways?” Cas asked as he swam over to the brothers, Meg followed  
“Work” Dean answered rather glumly, “our dad moves around a lot. I wouldn’t be surprised if we moved again next year”  
Sam noticed Cas’ instant disappointed demeanor. 

“Well I hope you don’t” the blue eyed boy perked up, “it’s been fun hanging with you guys”  
Meg didn’t seem to agree but she nodded her head as if to agree.  
“You like hanging with everyone” Meg giggled  
“Yeah but y’all are different” he glanced at Dean, “and that’s not true. I ate Luci”  
“Ugh who doesn’t” Dean rolled his eyes, “why is he such a dick? Especially to you Cas” 

He sighed, “because he’s a homophobic piece of shit”  
“Well Charlie is gay but he doesn’t go after her as much. He seems to target you. Did you do something to him?” Dean asked, his curiosity piqued  
Cas’ face darkened and he looked away shamefully, “because I’m easier to hate I guess” 

‘Easier to hate than himself’ Cas thought cringing slightly, memories of third grade filling his head 

“Well screw him” Dean growled, defensive, “you don’t deserve that Cas. Don’t take it, you’re worth more than that”  
Cas blushed slightly, “thanks” 

Meg saw it. It was brief but utterly unmistakable. It was a spark, small right now but it would grow. And it would grow like wildfire, destroying anything in its path. It was hellfire for the heart. All of their hearts. 

Dean and Cas were destined to be together. And the universe was going to do anything to get them together. Even if it would destroy them in the process. Meg wasn’t sure if any of them were ready for that. But they didn’t really have much of a choice. 

“So” Dean filled the void of awkwardness and smiled mischievously, “splash fight!!” 

He hit Cas with a huge wave of water causing the boy’s coal black hair to drip with water. Cas laughed and splashed him back. It wasn’t long until the four teens were drenched in waves of cold creek water. 

Meg giggled as water was sprayed into her eyes. As she tried to rub it out of her eyes she accidentally bumped into Cas. He lost his footing on the rock he was standing on and landed in Dean’s arms. His head landing on Dean’s chest so that when his eyes opened he was staring directly up into the slightly older boy’s face. His left arm laid over Dean’s. 

The older Winchester looked down at the boy, slightly blushing, “you alright there Cas?” 

Cas sat there sprawled in Dean’s arms, completely frozen. He could feel Dean’s increasing heartbeat against his ear, his own heartbeat thumping against his bare chest. 

‘Oh God, oh God’ Cas thought, ‘he’s holding me. Skin on skin contact. Shit shit shit. Has his eyes always been this green? Shit I didn’t answer him! Say something!!’ 

“Y-yeah I um...sorry” Cas pushed himself off him and stood back up

The current knocked against Cas’ feeble knees and he held onto a stone to keep his balance. Both boys were blushing furiously red, meanwhile the younger Winchester was smiling like he just won the lottery. 

“What are you smiling about?” Dean turned to Sam  
Cas looked down and noticed his shorts just got tighter.  
“No reason” Sam contained his smile and put on a neutral face, but inside he was dying 

“Meg” Cas whispered, “Meg we gotta situation”  
The girl turned to him, “what’s wrong?”  
“That smile isn’t for no reason” Dean pushed further  
Cas pointed to his shorts and Meg blushed when she realized, “ok I got this”  
“It’s nothing Dean I promise. I just..”

“Hey um I hate to do this..” she glared at Dean before averting her gaze to Sam, “but I think I just started my period and my bag is at Cas’ house and it’s locked. We gotta go”  
“No problem” Dean smiled, “thanks for inviting us Cas” 

Cas just nodded his head and awkwardly followed Meg towards his house, careful to keep his hands in front of his crotch. Fortunately Dean didn’t seem to notice. The Winchesters got out after them and Dean clicked on his phone to see three more texts from Alex. 

Alex: k. Oh also will Sam be there? Kinda need 2 know 

Dean: I can send him to Jessica’s if this needs to be private? 

Immediately Alex replied. 

Alex: Yes please do that. I’m on my way there now.


	16. Chapter 15

Dean/Cas/Dean

Dean was absolutely petrified as he raced towards the house. Sam couldn’t grasp why his older brother was suddenly so stressed out. Was it something Cas said or did? Maybe it was Meg? Honestly Sam didn’t know and he didn’t necessarily care. All he knew was that Dean was panicked and not making any sense. Only thing he was able to get from Dean’s nonsensical ramblings was that he was going to Jessica’s house for the night. He didn’t mind that. 

“Just sleep in your change of clothes and I’ll pick you up at ten ok?” Dean said quickly   
“Ok” Sam hopped out and leaned against the car, “stay safe Dean”   
He paused and smiled warmly, “I will Sammy, have fun, stay safe” 

The thirteen year old smiled and waved goodbye before walking inside. After he was sure Sam was inside he raced off. The panic returned just as soon as it had left. His heart and mind alike was racing. Anything could be wrong, it was always this or that. He was scared. 

Alex was mad, he had to be. Maybe he hated Dean or was going to yell at him. Or worse, he was going to break up with him. Just thinking about it knotted his heart and crushed it. The world was crashing and burning at his feet and he could do nothing. 

His heart sank the second he saw Alex’s blue car in his driveway. He sucked in a deep breath of air before parking and hopping out. He saw Alex’s head shoot up once the car door slammed and he hopped out of his car as well. They met on the driveway. 

“Hey Dean” Alex was calm, a small smile on his face  
It made Dean a bit more comfortable but his nerves were still shot, “hey”   
“Look I’m sorry about earlier I just..” his tone suddenly sad, “I just wanted to spend my last day with you babe” 

His heart sank in his chest. It was Alex’s last day in America and he’d spent it with friends and his brother. He should’ve been here, he should’ve shown Alex that he cared! 

“I’m sorry” his head went down in shame, “I’m so sorry Alex”   
The man grabbed his arms gently, “well maybe you could make it up to me”   
Dean sighed miserably, “how?”

Alex smirked, snaking his arms around Dean’s waist, “I think we’ve waited long enough..”   
The teen looked up at him, hands on the man’s chest, “but...I’m 17”  
“That’s ok. Who’s gonna find out anyways? We’re all alone, no parents, no cops..” he began kissing on Dean’s neck   
“I-I don’t know..” 

The 20 year old pulled away and stared into his eyes pitifully, “Its just..this might be the last time we ever even see each other. You’ve been gone all day and I just want to feel your love. Don’t you love me?” 

“of course I love you Alex” His eyed widened in panic, “You know I do”  
“then prove it” Alex stared into his face, daring him   
He took a deep breath and smiled slightly at him, “ok, let’s do it” 

Alex grabbed his hand and led him inside the house. Dean’s heart thumped anxiously in his chest. He’d never had a significant other before Alex and while he trusted the man completely, he was scared. Would he feel different? Would he change? Would Alex change? 

He shivered and the anxiety built and built as they got closer and closer to his room. He squeezed Alex’s hand and sucked a deep breath in as the door creaked open. Everything felt so slow and it was agonizing. He wanted to it happen already. Let it be over. Let it be over. 

“Don’t be scared” he said before slamming the door tight behind them 

~~

Cas’ head was still buzzing wildly, his skin tingly from where Dean’s bare skin had made contact with his own. He touched the skin of his shoulder and lower back and smiled stupidly to himself. There was an energy there that couldn’t be explained, but it lit him up from the inside. Oh how beautifully he burned. 

“Oh God, Meg his skin is so warm and soft” his face was red and beaming, “and those damned abs”

Meg forced herself to laugh to avoid her jealously. She’d gotten real good at it too! She really did sound happy. In fact she’d half convinced herself. This of course made her ponder if she was faking anything else in her life. Or, everything in her life. 

“Do you think he saw?” He quickly brought his arms to his chest, “that would be so embarrassing. I want to dieeee”   
“Relax Clarence, I’m sure he didn’t notice...” she giggled, “but if he did I’m sure he’s too nice to say anything”   
Cas playfully smacked her arm, “screw you! That doesn’t make me feel any better!”   
“oh you poor thing” she teased, giggling happily, “nah he’s got a girlfriend anyways right? He’s probably thinking about her” 

He sighed. Meg was probably right, Dean had a boyfriend already. A really fucking attractive boyfriend that Cas couldn’t even begin to try to compete against. His heart fell to the pit of his stomach and stayed there for a time. The electricity that lit him up died down, nothing but a light, constant vibration on his spine. 

Cas opened the door to his house and let Meg inside. She was sleeping over for the last time for the summer, and he was going to make the best of it. So they sat watching movies and snacking on candy. Meg did her best to savor these last moments. 

They couldn’t explain nor acknowledge it, but things were changing. Whether these changes were good or bad was up to them. Meg had already decided on the latter but Cas, well he wasn’t sure. His best friend was leaving for the rest summer and his crush on an unavailable Dean was deepening. But he knew this summer was different. He could feel that in his very core and despite what was going on he believed it was good. He had no other choice but to believe that. 

Perhaps he’d meet a cute boy that could take his mind off Dean. Or maybe make a new friend with new traditions and inside jokes. Whatever the change was for this summer he was gonna face it head on. Summer is what he made of it, and he promised himself to make it good. Even if it hurts at first.


	17. Chapter Sixteen

Dean/Cas/Dean

(Trigger Warning)

Dean woke up naked and entangled between Alex’s arms and legs. His head was resting on the man’s shoulder blade and partly his neck. The man’s head resting above his head on one of Dean’s pillows. He looked around him and all his familiar walls. He didn’t feel much different,  
except for a strange weight on his chest. He pressed his fingers into his chest trying to relieve it but it wouldn’t go away. The boy sighed and sat up in bed. 

“Alex” he gently shook him  
“Que? Que? Pare” he mumbled  
But he didn’t stop, “babe wake up”  
Alex finally opened his eyes, “que?!” 

The 20 year old was clearly annoyed and exhausted. Dean wasn’t feeling much better. Alex pulled him back down onto his chest and the younger of the two didn’t object at first. But he knew what today was. Today was goodbye. 

“Alex if you miss your plane you might never get to see your mom again” a tear fell from his eye, Alex did not bother to wipe it  
“Do you want me to go or something?” He pushed Dean off  
“No of course not I just don’t want to keep you from seeing your mom” 

Alex sat up and looked down at Dean. The other boy’s head now rested on a pillow. Soft tears fell from Dean’s face and Alex rolled his eyes. 

“Dean you’re not the one who’s mother is dying why the hell are you crying?”  
“I’m sorry” Dean wiped them, putting his hands over his face, “I just..I’m gonna miss you so much”  
Alex grunted and stood up.

The blankets slipped down Alex’s muscled build before falling below his hips and puddled on the floor. Dean blushed red and quickly looked away until the man was decent again. He started to get up too. 

“Don’t” Alex gestured for Dean to lie back on the bed  
Dean nodded his head and stayed in his place.  
“I want to remember this” he smiled at Dean, “I want to remember this before I leave”  
Dean’s heart fluttered, his tears ceasing.  
“You’ll remember me like this. Won’t you Dean?” He asked and sat on the edge of the bed, at Dean’s hips  
“You say that like you’re dying” he chuckled sadly, “but yes I’ll remember you just as you are” 

The man nodded his head and leaned forward to plant a deep kiss on the teen’s lips. He held the back of his head gently, pressing closer to him. He cupped his hands around Dean’s face and kissed him sweetly. But he quickly pulled away. 

“Dean..” he whispered, letting his hands fall back to his sides  
“Yeah?” His green eyes met Alex’s dead stare  
“We need to break up”  
~~

The two teens hugged their bodies close together. Neither wanted to release, quiet tears dripping down both their faces. Their grip was so tight that no one would’ve been able to pull them apart. They stood beneath the canopy of trees by the edge of the creek, the sun just slightly peeking out from the horizon.

Meg had wanted to spend her last moments with Cas at the creek. So as any good friend did, Castiel woke up before the sun and took Meg to the creek so they could watch the sunrise. A new dawn was beginning. 

“You better send me postcards” Cas said, his arms wrapped around her head  
“I promise” she pressed her head deeper into his chest  
Cas kissed the top of her head, “I wanna hear about all your crazy adventures ok? And if you find yourself a cute Hawaiian boy you let me know”  
Meg giggled, “of course, I’ll tell you all about my cute Hawaiian boy” 

He smiled and finally let go, his arm still around her shoulders. They stared at the rising sun, watching the sky be painted by the hot yellow brush. The sky was slowly stroked with colors of orange and pink, the stars long since faded. He missed them, as he would miss Meg. She was his stars, he was her sun. It was a new day and it was time to say goodbye. 

~~

Dean laughed nervously thinking this was some cruel joke. Surly he couldn’t be serious. Not after last night, he couldn’t just leave him like that. Alex was too kind for that, too loving. But Dean saw it in his eyes, they were dead, emotionless. Where had his baby gone? This was not him. This was the devilishly handsome senior in gym class with nothing but greed and lust in his eyes. This was sophomore year all over again. 

“You can’t...” Dean choked back a sob, “you can’t be serious”  
His pretty, plump lips were pursed.  
“Alex..”  
He shook his head and pulled away completely.  
“Please” his voice barely above a whisper, “please don’t do this”  
“Baby, I think we both knew this was coming. And I told you. What did I tell you, your sophomore year?” His voice was soft then stern 

Dean shook his head. No. No this can’t be happening. Not after everything. He’d waited so long, he’d promised. He promised hadn’t he? He promised to wait. They waited, three years they waited and he gave it to him, all of him. Dean wrapped his arms around himself in some desperate last attempt to hide his innocence inside. But it was gone, Alex had stolen it. Like a thief in the night he tore down that door by its very frame and stole his prized possession. 

Nothing else was worth taking within those walls so he was leaving, not bothering to avoid knocking anything else down on his way out. He had taken it all and it was vacant. There was nothing left. The door was broken, flung wide open. There was no closing it, but it wasn’t worth closing. Not anymore. He had nothing valuable left inside.

“You said not to get attached...” he remembered every word, how could he forget that, “you said this was only temporary. Something to keep your mind off your ex...”

“Lucas” the man said, “he’s who I’m supposed to be with Dean. How can I love you if you’re not the key to my lock?”  
He understood, just as he had when he was 15, “Yeah I know”

He pulled the blankets over himself a little tighter. He felt so vulnerable there beneath his eyes. The boy’s heart pumped so loudly in his ears, it was maddening. Alex’s ghostly hands trailed over his body, squeezing his hips. They were starting to hurt, nails digging deeper into his skin. It seared into him and scorched his soul. The man’s hands were forever imprinted on him and he knew nothing would wash those marks away. He was tainted forever. 

“I gotta go now” Alex leaned down so that his mouth was pressed to Dean’s ear and he whispered, “think of me when he kisses you”

Alex gathered his things and casually walked out of the house. Dean watched from his window and Alex got in his car, he drove off as the sun rose. And he didn’t look back once, not even a small head tilt. Dean sat in bed for awhile, naked, hurting and numb. What was he to do now? When would the kisses fade? Would they ever? 

He willed himself to his feet and stood silently by his bed. His hand rested firmly on the sheets. But his knees gave way and he crumpled to the floor, something warm sparkled on his cheeks. He sat there, hands clenched on the bed and he tried to pick himself up but he could not hold his own body up. He felt so heavy. 

The 17 year old’s body trembled and shook and shuddered. Water gleamed on his cheeks and it leaked down his face, dripping onto his knees and pooling on the hardwood floor. His hands planted on the bed and he weakly lifted himself up. But he only clattered back down to the floor, his body slamming back against the ground. He screamed, pain searing throughout his torso. 

He scratched at the spots Alex had touched. It burned it burned it burned. His vision was blurry and wet, they wouldn’t stop. They wouldn’t stop, make it stop. Make it stop. Somebody make it stop! His body was littered with bruises, deep blue and purple that marked him like property. He scratched at them too. 

“Go away go away go away” he chanted, “Fade dammit fade” 

He rubbed at them, hoping they’d just disappear. But he quickly gave up, curling up in a ball on the floor, shuddering. His whole body visibly shook but the seventeen year old didn’t have the strength to wrap the blankets around him. Dean Winchester covered his mouth, screaming into his palm until he could scream no more.


	18. Chapter Seventeen

Cas

(Trigger Warning)

Meg left later that afternoon and Cas had cried in his room for an hour before falling asleep to The Wire. The world was dark by the time he woke, his television still on. His phone was ringing, for how long he didn’t know. He picked it up and quickly answered when he saw that it was Dean. 

“Hello Dean” he smiled warmly to himself, the skin at the base of his spine tingled  
“Cas” he sucked in a deep breath struggling to choke his words out, “Cas I..I need some help”  
Dean’s voice was in shambles.  
“Of course. I’m here, I’m right here, do you want to meet somewhere?”

There was a small pause, some sniffles filled his silence. 

“Can you come over” His voice was so small  
“Yeah that’s no problem I’ll be right there” 

The line went dead and Cas popped up. He yanked on some jeans and a t-shirt and his converse. He nearly tripped down the stairs trying to rush out the door. Luckily Gabriel was the only one awake as he tried to sneak out. 

“Cas wait!” He whisper yelled 

Gabe rushed over to him and put a tan trench coat around his shoulders. Cas shrugged it off and tried to give it back to his older brother. Gabriel shook his head and refused it. 

“Gabe I don’t need a coat. Take it back or I’m throwing it on the chair” Cas tapped his foot impatiently on the floor 

“You’re going to go meet that boy” Gabe snickered, “and I’m willing to risk getting an ass beating from Micheal and a disappointment card from dad to let you go. Is it really too much to ask for you to bring a coat?” 

Cas groaned, “finnnneee”  
“Good” he smiled and ruffled his hair, “be safe”  
“I will” he opened the door and stepped out into the warm night  
“Yo baby brother?” He smirked as Cas turned around, “don’t forget to use protection!”  
“Ew Gabe” Cas scrunched his nose and blushed, “shut up”  
He laughed, “you know you love me”  
“No I don’t” He couldn’t help but smile

The door slammed shut and he sprinted to his car, quickly speeding off. He felt hit and the trench coat washing doing him any favors so he took it off. Gabe would never know anyways so it doesn’t matter. Only one thing mattered at the moment and that was his friend’s wellbeing. He needed to help the boy through whatever was going on. 

He just sounded so defeated over the phone, it broke his heart. Alex had done something he just knew it deep down. But what? Did he break up with him? That’s the only think he could think of that Alex could’ve done to Dean to make him sound like that. But still, even for a break up there was so much pain and guilt in his voice. 

Castiel parked in the street next to Dean’s house and got out, slamming his door shut. He knocked on the door. His heart was racing and irrational fears went round and round and round in his head. He didn’t want to just walk but if Dean was hurt he could just do nothing. He bit his cheek and cursed his anxiety before walking in. 

“Dean?” His voice cracked as the door creaked open and he stepped inside

The lights were off in every room and it was dead silent. He didn’t know which way to go, frozen in place by fear. He thought about calling someone but he didn’t know who to call. He didn’t know of any of Dean’s guardians nor their numbers. And calling 911 seemed unnecessary as so far no physical injuries were evident. 

So Cas had to ignore his manners and searched the house for Dean. He hated intruding in people’s personal lives like this but Dean needed him and he wasn’t about to let him down. So he carefully walked about the house praying he didn’t happen upon anything he wasn’t supposed to. Just as he was about to go upstairs his phone dinged. 

Freckles: I’m upstairs if that’s you downstairs.

Cas felt a twinge of annoyance, Gabe must’ve changed his contact. He inhaled and let it go, not wanting to seem annoyed with Dean. He hopped up the stairs, skipping a few to go faster. Not that he’d admit it, but he lost his footing and tripped, hitting his elbow on the wooden stairs. He bit back a curse and finished crawling upstairs. 

He knocked on the first door he saw and moved on when he got no response. Fortunately there were only four rooms consisting of a bathroom, laundry room and what he assumed to be two bedrooms. It was a nice house, smaller than his but much nicer and more clean. He wiped his sweetly hands on his jeans and knocked on the last door he saw. 

“Dean” he asked again and there was a quiet groan in response 

As the door began to creak open he heard a soft sound like something hitting a pillow. As the door was drawn wider, his blue eyes absorbed the view. He had a relatively large room, cheap light green wallpaper and dark brown hardwood floors. There were posters of AC/DC taped to the walls, a small laundry basket filled its clothes and sat tucked in the back corner. Cas eyes flutter across the room and stared at the empty squeezed sized bed nearly in the center of the room. The moonlight cascaded through a large window on the top corner of the room. 

The sixteen year old searched and followed the twisting trail of sheets that were being tugged to the floor. As Cas’ eyes landed on Dean, he suddenly remembered the drop tower at the carnival. He remembered the way it felt in that split, sickening second when he realized that he was falling. As if he’d been shoved and there was nothing to catch him; leaving him in a state shock and fear. He was lost in the air and shooting down towards earth like a meteorite. Oh how it had made his heart leap up his throat, choking him and the way his stomach had dropped so sickly. 

But like always, he reached the bottom, safe. Adrenaline pumped through him, roaring him back to life. The beat of his heart in his ears was still loud but he was on solid ground again. Cas rushed forward falling to his knees as if to kiss the ground for catching him again. 

“Holy shit” Cas’ voice was clearly panicked and he couldn’t even try to hide it, “what happened?” 

He learned closer and quickly realized that Dean wasn’t just not wearing a shirt, he wasn’t wearing pants either. The poor boy was curled up in a tight ball, shuddering, completely naked. Dean was clutching the sheets to his chest, his body facing the bed, back facing Cas. He was curled so tightly that the sheets covered his stomach, his legs wrapping around it as if were someone’s hips and he was holding them there, wanting to be held. His chin touching his chest. 

As Cas got closer he could hear his faint sobs. And it was absolutely tearing him apart. This was so much worse than he could’ve possibly imagined. What in Chuck’s name did Alex do to him? The younger boy reached out to touch him when Dean grabbed him and pushed his face into his chest, clinging to him like a terrified child, 

“he’s gone! I’m disgusting! I’m disgusting! Oh God” the boy sobbed into him 

His voice sound like a broken record, choppy yet comprehensible despite the skipping and repeating the same notes. Like fragments of his song had gotten lost and this was all that was left. 

“Shh I know, you’re safe Dean” his hands held the back of his head, pressing softly to his chest and he squeezed his own eyes shut, “it’s going to be ok. You’re going to be ok”  
“He used me Cas” his voice was completely shattered, “he left me” 

Dean was sobbing now and Cas wanted too as well. This hurt so bad, to see him like this. It all felt so hopeless and lost like nothing would ever be ok again. They sat there on the floor for what seemed like hours. Cas rubbed his upper back gently, hand still pressing his head gently yet firmly against his chest. And Dean clutched him tight. And slowly but surely he settled down, but not once did either of them let go. 

“Thank you for coming” his voice muffled by Cas’ shirt  
“Of course Dean, you’re my friend”  
He nodded his head gently, eyes closed.  
“Can you tell me what happened?” 

He shook his head and swallowed a sob, sniffling and sucking in deep, choked breaths. 

“Ok..that’s ok I understand. Just please know that whatever happened between you two it’s not your fault. Do you understand that? It’s not your fault.”  
He shook his head, “I’m disgusting”  
“No you’re not don’t say that..please don’t say that”  
“It true” he looked up at him, “I let him...” 

It absolutely devastated him to see Dean so upset. Because it was so unlike him, it was so rare. To see a seemingly unbreakable person crumble, is one of the most desolate, heart wrenching experiences to witness. 

“You’re only 17” Cas stated, petting his hair, “And I do hate to say it but...Alex seems a little older than 18. You’re still a minor. So whatever happened...whatever you’ve been through, that’s on Alex. Not you” 

Dean wanted to believe every word. But how could he? How could he just pretend like he was some innocent victim when he wasn’t? Maybe if Cas knew, if he just knew what Dean did he’d understand. Then he’d leave and wouldn’t have to fuck him up like he did everyone else that he cared about. 

“What do you want to know?” He sniffled, pulling away  
“Anything you’re comfortable with telling me, I only want to help” 

Cas didn’t care if he only told him the little things, all he cared about was helping Dean through whatever he was going through. He was curious of course, what Alex had done, but he didn’t want to push him. 

“It wasn’t supposed to happen like this but he’s going back home to Portugal and he just wanted...” his heart shattered all over again, “Actually I think it would make more sense to you if I just started off which how we met” 

“Just tell me what you’re comfortable with telling me, anything that can help me understand what’s going on” Cas reassured him with gentle eyes 

Dean nodded took a shaky breath, “So uh, I was... I was a sophomore when we met...15 years old”  
“In gym class?” Cas remembered what he’d said yesterday at the creek  
He sighed and closed his eyes remembering the very moment “in gym class...”


	19. Chapter Eighteen

Dean/Cas/Dean

It was a rainy day and not the pretty light rain that tickled your face nor the soothing boom of a thunderstorm. It was a shitty, rainy day that made the air smell putrid. So that meant upper and lower classmen all had to cram themselves in the gym. Dean sat on the bleachers watching sophomore, Lisa Braeden, play basketball with her friends. He was desperately trying to work up the nerve to ask her out. He’d been planning for weeks but he was scared. She was just so pretty. 

But just as Dean was about to stand up and walk over to her one of the seniors walked over and sat down next to him. He had dark, curly, brown hair that was dripping with sweat and he was shirtless but didn’t smell unbearably bad. Dean instantly recognized him as Alexandro Naves. He’d won tons of trophies for the school, the best runner in the state! 

“Hi” his voice was deep and he had a really thick accent, “I’m Alexandro but you can call me Alex. You’re Dean right?”   
He nodded his head shyly, blushing.   
“Relax I’m not gonna bite” he chuckled, “yet”

He laughed again when Dean’s face exploded in red. He scooted closer to Dean and rested an arm over his shoulder, leaning into him a bit. Dean desperately tried not to make a squeaking sound. He stared into his green eyes refusing to break the intimate contact. 

“You’ve got such gorgeous eyes” he commented, “very handsome too. You wouldn’t happen to be into guys would ya?”  
Dean willed himself to speak, eyes flitting around, “I um...I don’t...know”  
There was a small pause.   
“Come with me” 

Before Dean could object the eighteen year old grabbed his hand and led him towards the locker room. Dean rarely ever went back there since he wasn’t part of any teams and he felt lost. Alexandro tugged him along before pausing before a locker. He shooed off anyone else back there until it was just he and Dean. 

The fifteen year old stared up into the honey glazed eyes of the senior. He was very pretty and attractive and Dean was too baffled to speak. Alexandro stared back into his green eyes and wrapped his hands around the boy’s head, his ears stuck between his soft fingers. He leaned in and planted a gentle kiss on his lips. He pulled away slowly. 

“how did that feel?” Alexandro smirked   
His face was bright red and he couldn’t say or do anything but gawk at him.  
“Want to try it again?”   
Dean nodded his head shyly and looked down at his feet. 

He shoved Dean gently against the lockers, putting an arm around the younger boy’s head to soften the blow against the hard metal. He pressed his lips against the boy’s once more, this time running his tongue along his bottom lip. Dean did not object. 

“Just don’t get too attached sweetheart” he whispered against his lips and Dean stared up into his eyes, “this probably won’t last”   
“That’s ok” Dean squeaked, he just needed Alex to kiss him again   
“You can be my little distraction” he kissed along his jaw and neck which earned him a small moan from Dean   
“A d-distraction?” His breathing hitched, “f-from what”   
“My ex. But don’t worry about that. Let’s just have fun yeah?”   
“Ok” he tried to remember how breathe again, “whatever you say” 

~~

“And um..that’s how it all started” everything was hurting, “he’d turned 18 earlier that year. We made out a lot but we never like...had sex”  
Cas nodded his head.   
“Well..” a strangled sigh escaped him, “unless you count blowjobs. But he never let it go farther because he didn’t want to violate me”   
“But he did” Cas said gently with a firm but gentle hand on his shoulder, “Dean he violated you...”

Dean bit the inside of his cheek so hard he tasted blood. It was ok, it had to be ok. Alex couldn’t hurt him, not like that. He wouldn’t hurt him like that because he’d promised. He promised to take care of him, to respect his boundaries. This was Dean’s fault. He’d wanted this, he let the 20 year old’s hands wander and tug and grip him. He let it happen because he loved Alex. Didn’t he? 

“But I didn’t stop him. Not then and last night...” he hesitated   
“What did he do last night?” But deep down Cas already knew   
“I told him I loved him the other day and he wanted me to prove it...I should’ve known. I should’ve known when he wouldn’t say it back that he didn’t care. But I was stupid and I gave him everything. I gave him my innocence” 

Cas sucked in a sharp breath, heartsick over what he was being told. Not only was he violated but he was left to deal with this hurt and guilt by himself. Alex just left him here to deal with all these conflicting and confusing feelings. He had no regard for how this would affect the boy. And worse? Dean felt guilty as if he’d done something wrong. 

“I’m so sorry” He held back his own tears not wanting him to feel worse, “he’s a dick and you deserved better”  
A tear streaked down his freckled face, “he left this morning and I watched him..”

His face scrunched up in a sad, soft anger, “I watched him walk out that door and he didn’t even look back once. As if I were nothing. Like our three years together never even mattered at all” 

“It’s funny” he continued, chuckling bitterly, “I used to hate it, when he stopped us. When he wouldn’t touch me the way I wanted him too. But now I’m glad he did, because I’ve never felt so...”  
“Dirty?” His blue eyes pierced into Dean’s green ones 

“Yeah...its just..he made me feel like my feelings were valid and I wasn’t crazy. He helped me find myself. I thought I loved him and I thought....I thought maybe he could love me too. That maybe I was good enough to make him forget about his ex in Portugal. I mean three years is a long time!!” He shook his head, “But clearly that didn’t matter. I didn’t matter enough” 

Cas rubbed circles into his back, “of course you matter please don’t believe any different. And I’m not just saying that because I’m your friend. No one deserves to be left like that. You are so strong, you really are. I don’t know what I’d do if someone left me like that, especially after so many years together” 

“Thank you Cas” he looked up into his eyes, “Thank you for being here and helping me, I’m sorry for putting all this on you”   
“Hey don’t worry about it, I really don’t mind. I know you’d do the same for me if the roles were reversed” 

Dean smiled thankfully at him and tried to get up, gripping the sheets over him so they wouldn’t fall and flash Cas. That would be far too embarrassing and plus, he really didn’t want another person’s eyes gazing at his naked body. Not now, maybe not ever again. 

“Oh um here” he placed his trench coat over his shoulders, “I should uh...let you get dressed. Please call if you need anything else”

He respectfully looked away as Dean tugged it around his body. It fit him almost perfectly so he wondered just how much it swallowed Cas. He worried his lip as Cas got closer and closer to the door. He didn’t want to be left alone again, he could still barely stand on his own two legs. They were still shaking and his body was still felt like deadweight. 

And poor Sam was still at Jessica’s house. Fortunately his phone had been on the nightstand so he managed to make a phone call to her parents earlier before forcing himself to sleep. He’d slept nearly the entire day, not wanting to be awake. Not wanting to feel this hurt. 

“Wait..” he thrust himself forward and grabbed his wrist gently, eyes pleading, “will you stay here with me? Please”  
“A-are you sure?”  
“Please. But I mean...o-only if you can. I understand if you can’t” he said shyly and let go of his wrist   
“No..no of course I can” he smiled warmly, “I’ll stay for as long as you need me to” 

He smiled and staggered to his closet and got dressed. He still wore the trench coat. It was warm and smelled like honey and flowers. It also emitted warmth and comfort and he felt safe inside. It hid his figure and didn’t hug him too tight. It was safe, he was safe. 

“Is it ok if I still wear this?” He gestured to the coat

Dean came back out in some sweatpants and a black t-shirt with the words ‘Led Zeppelin’ in large letters written across it 

“Keep it for as long as you like” Cas blushed seeing him in his coat, “I only really wear it during the winter”   
“Thank you”   
“Yeah no problem” 

Dean lied his head on the pillow, his body slightly diagonal on the bed. His feet hung off the side of the bed and he motioned to allow Cas to do the same. Hesitantly Cas lied down beside him, his feet hung off the bed too. The hair on their heads almost touched and the space between them was wide as their bodies were lied out opposite ways. 

They both stared up at the ceiling saying nothing. Crickets chirped louder and the echoes of angry dogs bounced throughout the neighborhood. Dean could feel his heartbeat in his ears and the guilt still weighed on him, dragging him down to hell. The smoke from his fiery torment choked him but his eyes were too dry for the relief of tears. 

“You don’t have to be guilty” Cas whispered, “I know you must feel that way, but I don’t blame you. No one blames you. You needed love and support and I think Alex knew that, and he took advantage of that”  
“But I let him...” 

“Dean it’s not wrong to want to be loved, to want that type of connection with someone. We’re human and it’s only natural to feel this way. Nothing about your sexuality and how you deal with it can take away any part of your worth. To say that someone’s worth or innocence is based on where one’s genitalia has been is dehumanizing and frankly disgusting. You lost your virginity. So what?”

Dean felt his eyes water and they streamed softly down his face. He let Cas’ gentle words soothe his guilty soul and it did ease his mind. But his sides still burned with invisible hands and his bruises that Alex left on him felt like chains that bound him to his guilt. These were his demons that poked and prodded him as his soul screamed for mercy, for help. This was his damnation and he was caving in. Would he ever know heaven’s sweet peace again? 

“Don’t feel shame in this especially since it isn’t even your fault. You still have dignity, you’ve lost no valuables. And if there is a next time, choose the person who will love your soul and body, not just your body” 

He finally looked over at Dean and the boy gazed back at him. He smiled reassuringly at him and Dean lent out his hand to touch the blue eyed boy. Their fingers intertwined and remained motionless on the bed. It was a gentle reminder that even if things got worse, he’d still be there through it all. The boys could find comfort in that. 

It wasn’t long until Cas’ eyes fell heavy though, and he promptly forgot what it felt like to be conscious. The other watched quietly as the boy’s eyes fluttered close and his body slowly relaxed to a peaceful sleep. He watched as his chest rose and fell and studied his gentle features. Cas was easy to look at, to admire. 

There was something beautiful and almost rare in Cas. Something so pure it could be defined as holy. His graces healed every soul he touched. Dean prayed to no one in particular that whoever Cas found, whatever broken soul he would latch onto and hold; he hoped they would be worth his efforts. That they would take care of and love him just as much as he took care of and loved them. 

Dean thought about these things and cuddled into his sheets. Cas’ trench coat gathered close to his torso, over his heart. His head still turned towards the sleeping boy beside him and he smiled softly. 

“You’re an angel Cas” he whispered and squeezed his hand gently before the darkness overtook him


End file.
